1. Goalkeeper
A goalkeeper safe as houses, proven and knows how to get the job done. It can only be a Zetor - Dublin’s Stephen Cluxton equivalent.
2. Left corner-back
Next up is the Kubota – the Fionn Fitzgerald of Kerry. Not the most flamboyant operator, but tidy, sticks to his task and gets stuck in.
3. Full-back
When you need something strong, powerful and competitive in full-back, the John Deere is your only answer.
In Gaelic football terms, the equivalent of Monaghan’s Drew Wylie – no frills and certainly no nonsense.
4. Right corner-back
For this tractor football team, something that has the skills to play anywhere is needed. Like brother Drew, Ryan Wylie is your only answer.
Like the John Deere, he puts out the fires wherever needed.
5. Left wing-back
By their very nature, wing-backs will be doing a lot of running, so pace is key.
Something with pace and likes to make it up the field is a necessity here, so the JCB is your only man.
The football equivalent of Dublin’s Jack McCaffrey, who’s just back from a big job abroad.
6. Centre-back
One of the most important players on the field and involved in plenty of action, the centre-back is a key member of the team.
They can get the job done just about anywhere, so a CASE is the natural choice. If Peter Harte was a tractor, he’d be a CASE – a classy operator.
7. Right wing-back
Another runner on the pitch is the right wing-back. Again, like his number five counterpart, he needs to have pace.
Tiernan McCann gets the award for right wing-back – sleek with a non-stop engine, just like a Valtra.
Prone to the odd diva moment.
8. Midfield
Smack bang in the middle of the field, midfielders are supposed to be outstanding in their field.
Aidan O’ Shea is our first midfield player.
Like a Lamborghini tractor, he likes to stand out from the crowd and is always capable of the spectacular.
9. Midfield
We’ve paired O’Shea up with Clare’s Gary Brennan in midfield.
His counterpart needs to be able to be one to turn to when the pressure is on.
Claas by name, class by nature.
10. Left wing-forward
We’ve gone back a few years into the Mayo inter-county panel for a left wing-forward - there’s only one man for the job.
Ciarán McDonald is slick, stylish and a timeless classic.
Just like a David Brown, unfortunately his day is done.
11. Centre-forward
Diarmuid Connolly gets our vote for centre-forward. No competition.
A technical, strong and fast operator, the equivalent of a Fendt and not afraid of the dirty stuff.
12. Right wing-forward
We’re going back to Mayo for our other wing forward, in the form of Andy Moran.
He’s been around for a while, he’s reliable and he still gets the job done.
Ideal. Just like a Massey Ferguson.
13. Left corner-forward
Kerry’s James O’Donoghue gets the nod for left corner-forward – there’s so much potential there.
Like a Landini, he produces moments of magic, but is slightly injury-prone.
14. Full-forward
Big, strong and rugged is what’s needed in a full-forward. Michael Murphy of Donegal fits the bill.
Plenty of skill here too, the Deutz-Fahr equivalent.
15. Right corner-forward
Monaghan’s Conor McManus starts in the right corner-forward position.
Sharp and enduring, he’s the type you’d want for a son-in-law.
Much like the New Holland.
This is a subscriber-only article
SHARING OPTIONS: