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Tis the season – everything is go, go, go at our house this Christmas. Letters to Santa have long since been sent (some lists were quite long this year), cookies have been made and the farmhouse looks like it belongs in Santa’s Grotto; not in rural Ireland.
The holidays are insanely busy, but also so much more enjoyable when you have little ones underfoot. The weeks leading up to Christmas are a rush of movies, hot chocolates, decorations, parties and shopping trips. While Christmas has become quite a material holiday, it still remains the most important time of year for family visits, hugs, chats and endless cups of tea.
I treasure the time spent with my children at Christmas. My own childhood Christmas memories are wonderfully happy; my mother making the house extra cosy, getting excited about Santa with my brothers and my grandma making ginger cakes and playing board games with me. Now that I’m a mom, I try to bring the same feelings and create similar memories for my own kids.
On the flip side of this, Christmas as a mom can also be tough. My emotional workload is high at the calmest of times, trying to remember soccer matches, birthday parties, homework, doctor’s appointments and my own career demands. During the festive season this workload becomes exponentially larger with the happiness of my children at stake. Plus, I admit, I love hosting get-togethers. That’s my own fault; I’ll happily take the blame for that one.
To add to the emotional workload of Christmas, for me and many other individuals, the holidays have the potential to be a sad and lonely time. I’m not trying to sound depressing, but I think it’s important to realise that there are people in your life – neighbours, elderly friends and relatives, or, like me, those whose families are in another country – who need extra love and attention during Christmas.
Most families have a special someone who they miss especially at this time of year. For some, though, it goes beyond bereavement and extends into extreme loneliness. These are the people who benefit from being busy. When I’m organising fun activities with my kids or planning a party for my friends and family, I’m happy, but I’m also distracting myself from the ever-present feeling of loneliness that I experience around Christmas, being away from the ones who love me and know me best, the ones who knew me as a happy-go-lucky child.
Christmas is nostalgic. When you think of the happiest times of your childhood, Christmas is almost always the season you find yourself in. That’s why it’s important to check up on the people in your life who might suffer from loneliness – they are most likely remembering the people who loved them best, who they can’t be with and who they miss terribly.
I am often asked if I suffered from culture shock when I first moved to Ireland. The answer is always no – the moment my husband and I settled in our farmhouse, I felt like I had come home. Rural Ireland is one of the best places in the world to rear children because you’re never far away from a town with a playgroup, a support group, or a good school. And this is true for 364 days of the year. I am never homesick, I have regular contact with my family and take fairly frequent trips home.
But Christmas is different. Irish Christmas just isn’t my tradition and it can be very lonely. Also, I can’t get my head around having both turkey and ham for Christmas dinner – and don’t get me started on trifle.
Thank goodness for my children, because I can get on board with an Irish Christmas if it’s their tradition, and my children are as Irish as they come. I’m lucky since I’m still surrounded by family even though I’m far removed from the Christmas traditions of my youth. I am OK with not being inundated with visitors and passers-by who just want to wish me a happy Christmas, as would happen if I were home. I’m OK with simply making each Irish Christmas extra special for my kids.
But I know I’ll be making a special visit to my friends and neighbours who are missing loved ones this Christmas. I’ll be checking in on friends who, like me, are away from their own homes and traditions this Christmas.
And I’ll definitely be encouraging my children to think of those who need a little extra love, because one of the best ways to make the holiday season special for your kids is to teach them how to spread joy and generosity throughout their community – that is a sure-fire way to ensure that warm and fuzzy Christmas feeling.
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