My sister-in-law wants to melt down the ring that she inherited from my mother

Dear Miriam,

My mother passed away earlier this year after a long illness. She was a hard-working and modest woman all of her life and never had all that much to her name, but she did have a few special pieces of jewellery that she collected over the years, like her wedding ring, a pearl necklace, one or two lovely pairs of earrings etc.

After she passed away, this modest collection of jewellery was divided out amongst the females in the family, including my sister-in-law, who received a genuine gold sovereign ring that belonged to my mother. I’m not sure how valuable it is in today’s terms, but I’m sure it would certainly be worth something alright, as gold seems to be so expensive nowadays.

I had no problem whatsoever with my sister-in-law receiving this piece

I will add that I had no problem whatsoever with my sister-in-law receiving this piece, as she was always good to my mother in her lifetime, and especially towards the end when she needed more care. Fair is fair.

However, I recently found out that she plans to have the ring melted down and remodelled into another piece, as she does not like the sovereign style, describing it as a bit too “bling”. Miriam, my mother was anything but bling, I can assure you!

Surely there will be no memory attached to this piece once it is melted away and changed into something completely new and different?

Maybe you might think I am over-reacting, but I am quite upset by this, as I find it quite disrespectful to my mother’s memory. The idea of leaving pieces of jewellery to people was so they would have something physical to always remember my mother by. Surely there will be no memory attached to this piece once it is melted away and changed into something completely new and different?

I almost feel like saying to her that if she does not like the piece as it is, that she should give it to somebody else in the family who would appreciate and treasure it. I am her daughter after all. But what do you think of the situation? I would appreciate your take on it.

Sheila, Munster

Dear Sheila,

Thank you for your letter and my condolences on the loss of your mother earlier this year. On one level, I do understand why you would be so upset at the thought of your mother’s jewellery being melted down. It is only natural to feel so attached to a piece that you associate so closely with her.

On the other hand, however, the fact is that this piece has been passed onto your sister-in-law and it is her property now.

At least by melting down/remodelling the ring, your sister-in-law will have a piece of jewellery that she loves to wear and that also honours your mother’s memory

And if she really doesn’t like the style of the ring, the reality is that it’s only going to sit in a box or a drawer, unworn and unloved. That does not really seem to me to be a way of keeping your mother’s memory alive either, to be honest.

At least by melting down/remodelling the ring, your sister-in-law will have a piece of jewellery that she loves to wear and that also honours your mother’s memory, albeit in a different format. There will always be a story behind it too. You acknowledge that your sister-in-law was always very good to your mother in her life, and obviously cared a lot for her. That means a lot more in the grand scheme of things.

I would just respect her decision and concentrate on loving and wearing the piece of jewellery you inherited

That’s why I think it would be a shame to confront her about her plans for the ring or to ask for it back and to risk any kind of fall out in the family. It’s simply not worth it, in my opinion.

Instead, I would just respect her decision and concentrate on loving and wearing the piece of jewellery you inherited from your mother, in its original form. I hope this helps and wish you all the best.