My elderly mother loves to holiday in the sun; but I find these trips stressful

Dear Miriam,

My mother is in her early 80s, but still has a great zest for life, despite health and mobility issues. She loves to get to the sun for a week every year, even though she never had the chance to travel in her younger years.

These trips take a lot out of me because I’m so anxious that something will go wrong

I’m the only one in our family who is not married, so for the last few years, I have gone with her on these holidays. I really do enjoy this time with my mother and I know it does her the power of good to get some sun on her skin and some heat in her bones. However, if I am being honest, these trips take a lot out of me because I’m so anxious that something will go wrong, that she might fall, get ill etc, and that I will have to manage her on my own in a strange country where I don’t speak the language.

It has become more difficult to manage things like the airport, getting around cobbled streets in foreign countries

Last year, I found I was on tenterhooks the whole time and returned home exhausted, though thankfully, nothing went wrong. I’m really not sure if I can put myself through that again; though the last thing I want to do is disappoint my mother. But the truth is that in more recent times, it has become more difficult to manage things like the airport, getting around cobbled streets in foreign countries etc.

She has been asking about our plans for next year, but I’m nervous of committing. But at the same time, I don’t want to let her down. What should I do?

Joanne, Galway

Dear Joanne,

Thank you for your email. While it’s wonderful that your mother gets her time in the sun each year, I think that the worries that you list are all very valid, eg the fear of a fall or hospital visit, so the first thing I would say is not to beat yourself up for feeling this way. It is a lot of responsibility to travel with a loved one who might be more vulnerable; and it should not fall completely on your shoulders.

Your sisters/brothers really have an equal part to play in supporting this aspect of her life

I know you say that you are the only one in the family who is not married, and that’s why you always travel with your mother. However, your sisters/brothers really have an equal part to play in supporting this aspect of her life. Would any of your siblings be available to travel with you in order to help out?

It also might be worth looking at different forms of holidays that might be more accessible

I think even knowing that there is somebody else with you would be a great comfort. So don’t be afraid – or guilty – about putting it out there. You might be surprised at their response.

It also might be worth looking at different forms of holidays that might be more accessible, given your mother’s mobility issues. For example, I wonder would a cruise be an option? Or could you chat to a travel agent for advice on resorts that are designed with greater accessibility in mind? Or would the idea of a long weekend be less daunting than a full week away? These are just suggestions, but worth exploring.

I think that the best thing really would be if another family member agrees to come along on the trip

Most airports also offer special assistance, and this is worth looking in to, rather than trying to manage such stressful environments by yourself. It might also be worth getting a letter from your mother’s GP in advance listing any health issues/medications etc that you could have to hand if something did go wrong. Making sure that you both have the free European Health Insurance Card is also a good idea; you can read more about this here.

But I think that the best thing really would be if another family member agrees to come along on the trip, so that you have that moral and physical support while you are away.

If that is not possible, however, I think you have to be practical about what you can commit to and not put yourself under so much pressure. While you want to do your best for your mother, you have to look after yourself too. But hopefully your family can work together to find a solution.