‘My daughter wants to go to college in Dublin’

Dear Miriam,

My youngest daughter is in Leaving Cert and has started discussing what she wants to do in college and where she wants to go. Alarmingly, she wants to go to Dublin. It doesn’t seem to matter too much what college in Dublin she goes to, although I gather her preference is UCD, but she has her heart set on university in the capital.

My other children, even though they all got the grant, went to Galway and Sligo

Miriam, my husband and I make a very modest living – enough to get by, but we haven’t got a lot. No matter what way I look at it, I can’t see any possible way that we can afford to send her to Dublin.

She’s a smart girl and I’ve no doubt she’ll get whatever course she wants

We live in the west, so obviously she’d have to move up and there is no way we could pay for the rent. My other children, even though they all got the grant, went to Galway and Sligo. It was much more doable and they’re doing great for themselves now.

I don’t want to hold her back, I really wish I could give her everything she wants. She’s a smart girl and I’ve no doubt she’ll get whatever course she wants, but I just can’t see a way around the Dublin thing. If we had more money, I’d give her everything.

Some of her siblings are cross about the whole thing

My other worry is that this child is eager to head out into the world but her head is in the clouds. She clearly doesn’t understand our financial situation at home. She is the youngest by quite a bit and I think, looking back, we babied her and kept things from her. Some of her siblings are cross about the whole thing, saying that I need to tell her what’s what, etc. Is she even ready to leave home?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

West of Ireland reader

Dear West of Ireland reader,

Thanks for your letter. I think the first step in resolving this issue is to have a conversation with your daughter as soon as possible. Be firm in saying that simply, you and your husband can’t afford for her to live in Dublin. From what you’ve written, it seems your daughter is more concerned with location as opposed to the course.

If she is adamant she is going to Dublin, together work out a budget

I wouldn’t worry too much about this, many teenagers of college age are like this, but do use this as a chance to point out what similar courses in other colleges.

If she is adamant she is going to Dublin, together work out a budget showing what you can afford to give her and what the shortfall would be. Explain that she would have to make this up herself with a loan she would have to repay. This means working.

While acknowledging there are positives to Dublin, do point out the negatives. Tell her she will have a lot less disposable income, she would be living in digs most likely and she would likely be further from the college and other students.

Education is not about place, but about applying yourself

A big positive of colleges outside Dublin is that students often tend to live closer together.

I wouldn’t feel at all guilty about not being able to send her to college in Dublin. Education is not about place, but about applying yourself. You’re not holding her back. On feeling that you may have babied her too much, I wouldn’t worry either. It’s quite natural for the youngest child in the family to be a little more sheltered. When she goes to college she will start to grow up and become more mature without you having to prompt her. You can’t put an old head on young shoulders.

Although I know you mightn’t want to burden her, this information may help avoid these situations in the future

However, I would make sure when you sit down to have the chat with her about Dublin, not to hide the fact you and your husband haven’t a lot of money. Although I know you mightn’t want to burden her, this information may help avoid these situations in the future and also might prompt your daughter to be a bit more mindful of this. Make sure to tell your other kids too, that while you appreciate their concern, they should remember they were that age once as well.

I wish you all the best of luck.

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