‘She’s involved with another guy, should I bring her to my grad?’

Dear Miriam,

I am writing to you as I have found myself in a bit of a tricky situation with a girl I was seeing. I am currently in sixth year and a religious student of agricultural science.

I was interested in a girl in my year and had recently begun to get to know her more and was considering pursuing a relationship.

After we had been talking for a few weeks I decided to ask her to a local event and she agreed, but a couple of days before we went, I learned she was seeing another lad who goes to a different school.

Since this, I have learned that she has become more romantically involved with this other man

This made me worried that she wasn’t as interested in me as I thought and I feared she was leading me on. We had a great time at the event and later on that evening I decided to ask her to be my date to the grad.

Since this, I have learned that she has become more romantically involved with this other man and this makes me think I should not bring her to my grad.

Any advice on the subject would be greatly appreciated.

All the best,

Confused Gentleman

Dear Confused Gentleman,

Thank you for your letter. As you accurately portray in your alias, matters of the heart, dating and romance are always that – confusing. And for just about anyone with a problem in this field (not the grassy kind!) it can occupy a lot of head space. Man or woman, young or old, it’s tricky.

I am unsure from your letter whether or not you have already asked this girl to your grad or you are thinking of asking this girl to the grad. To cover all bases I will give you some advice on both fronts.

From my knowledge of the grad – or debs as others may refer to it – dates can be quite casual

First, if you have asked this girl and are thinking now of uninviting her because she is getting more serious with another guy, the simple answer is you can’t. You have asked her now and you have to follow through. I know this may not be the ideal situation for you, but stay true to your word and go as friends.

From my knowledge of the grad – or debs as others may refer to it – dates can be quite casual. People often bring friends and it’s common that in the time period between asking and actually going, one or other of the pair may get themselves in a relationship. Everyone tends to hang out together anyway, so I wouldn’t worry too much about it. All your friends will be there and you’ll have a great time regardless.

As you have said in your letter, you don’t want to be led on – no one does

However, if you have not yet invited her to your grad and are unsure whether or not to do so, as you think she might be starting to get serious with this other guy, I think you should proceed with caution.

As you have said in your letter, you don’t want to be led on – no one does – and because you like her, I think before you ask her to the grad you should sit down with her and ask what her situation with the other guy is.

If you haven’t already asked her to the grad, I don’t think there’s any point inviting her if she is committed to someone else. In this instance it would give you the chance to ask someone else, who you may go on to like even more.

If she says it’s casual, ask away and feel free to pursue her

Just ask is she serious with this other guy (ie going out) as you don’t want there to be crossed wires. Don’t be afraid to enquire, there’s no harm in asking and if you don’t ask you’ll never know.

If she says it’s casual, ask away and feel free to pursue her. If she says it’s serious, I wouldn’t ask and although you may be disappointed, look at it as a chance to meet and ask someone new.

Regardless of who you go to the grad with, you’ll have a great time. And in the future, whether it be this girl or another, there’s someone perfect out there for you.

I wish you all the best in your endeavours.

Read more

‘My husband has stopped sleeping in the bed with me’

‘My daughter wants to go to college in Dublin’