An idle mind is a dangerous thing

There is little doubt that one of the positives surrounding the coronavirus pandemic has been the amount of pure human goodness on display every day.

Whether it has been the “clap for the NHS” at 8pm on a Thursday (my wife has been standing in the garden applauding vociferously – the calves assume they are being congratulated for eating their meal), or any one of the thousands of tales of selflessness and giving that are reported on the news programmes, we are left in no doubt that everyone cares about the welfare of others.

My wife has been standing in the garden applauding vociferously – the calves assume they are being congratulated for eating their meal

And yet, among this tidal surge of decency and kindness, I have been reminded of an old proverb which states: “An idle mind is a dangerous thing”.

That sentiment was reached after I recounted a ‘fertiliser incident’ to a neighbouring farmer, who went on to tell me he had experienced similar problems.

Little to do

It seems that some people are sitting at home with time on their hands, little to do, and when fertiliser, slurry, or spray is applied to a field adjacent to their garden, all hell breaks loose.

I was sowing fertiliser for a local farmer, and just as I finished his silage ground, he flew into the field in the jeep.

I can only surmise that this clown was angling for a new window, since the double glazing had visibly broken down

A neighbour had phoned him, claiming that the pickles of fertiliser had chipped his windows. So, we trundled along to see what had happened, and to sort out the issue.

Without dwelling on detail, I can only surmise that this clown was angling for a new window, since the double glazing had visibly broken down. I knew it was a scam anyway because he had been standing, shirtless, directly between the spinner and the window as I passed the first time.

When I asked how the fertiliser had been hard enough to chip glass, but not break his skin, he just shrugged it off. Then I suggested that, had the border limiter not been working correctly, his patio should have been covered with little hard balls – he showed me a tiny bag of about six pickles that he had swept up. At times like this, it’s really hard not to either burst out laughing, or lose your temper. I did neither.

Unpleasant

My neighbour had an even more unpleasant experience along the same lines, except some woman ended up getting a bit personal and posting derogatory messages on social media, alluding that he was an incompetent farmer.

I advised him to keep his head down and say nothing, because you cannot win this type of argument, and silence starves the protagonist of their vital oxygen – publicity.

Delicate

Spraying has been another delicate area, and it is only when everyone is at home and in their gardens that you appreciate how society normally functions. Usually, rural dwellers in a commuter belt are at work and while they are away, Mr Farmer comes along, sprays the field behind their garden, folds up the booms, and goes home again.

This year, however, you would typically arrive in the field, start to fold her out, and two concerned faces would peer over the garden hedge. To be honest, some of them might then wave, and this is usually a sign that the hand of peace has been extended.

Usually, rural dwellers in a commuter belt are at work and while they are away, Mr Farmer comes along, sprays the field behind their garden, folds up the booms, and goes home again

Others reacted less well and behaved as if you were about to plaster them with anthrax spores. In these cases, it is prudent to check the exact wind direction when out of sight, just in case a spurious claim is entered at a later date.

Joker

Fly tipping is also back on the agenda, and my latest incident involved a bit of DIY home improvement. Some joker had probably made a lovely job of re-tiling the bathroom and must have been a tidy-minded sort of chap too.

When he had finished the job, all tile remnants, grouting, tins of paint, overalls, and even shoes, were carefully placed in bin bags and thrown into my woodland.

Thankfully, Ards Borough Council’s environmental team responded almost immediately and removed the rubbish.

I realise these small incidents are not representative of society, but they are disproportionately annoying if you’re on the receiving end. The sooner we can return to some form of normal working conditions the better, especially for those of us craving a non-confrontational life.

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