Dear Miriam,

I hope you can help with a bit of advice. My mother celebrated a significant birthday this year. The original plan was to have a party at home with extended family and friends, but COVID put the kibosh on that. It was such a disappointment, as she is a great woman and really deserves to be made a fuss over.

With that idea out the window, I put on my thinking cap to come up with plan B. I had the idea of booking a midweek break somewhere nice in Ireland for the both of us in September and was looking forward to surprising her. However, when I told her what I had planned, she thanked me, but said that she was worried about picking up the virus and would rather not go.

She can’t stay locked up at home forever either

Before COVID-19, she would have been “mad for road” as they say, so I was a bit surprised that she is so reluctant to go. I looked up the hotel website to show her the different precautions that they have taken and explained that it would be much quieter there midweek, but there is no budging her.

I understand why she would be a bit anxious going away for a night or two after so long, but at the same time, she can’t stay locked up at home forever either. Would you have any advice to help me coax her to come away for a few days?

Mary, Kilkenny

Dear Mary,

Thank you for your email. It is a pity that COVID robbed your family of your plans to celebrate your mother’s birthday. Many families unfortunately have had to make such sacrifices over the last few months, but thankfully, she is hale and hearty and that it the most important thing.

I understand why you would like to treat your mother to the trip away. Having been away a few nights here and there myself since lockdown lifted, I know that many Irish hotels have gone to great effort to make their guests feel safe and secure. That said, I think for many people – and especially those in the more vulnerable categories who were cocooning – it’s quite a big shift to go back to “normal”; or the “old normal” at least. This is especially true now with the rise in cases and re-introduction of local lockdowns. We are all feeling our way in this new world, and we can only do that at our own pace.

Ultimately, it is supposed to be her treat, so I would listen to what she wants

My feeling is that if your mother is uncomfortable with the prospect of going away, then she’s unlikely to relax or enjoy the trip the way that you would like her to, despite your very genuine intentions. Ultimately, it is supposed to be her treat, so I would listen to what she wants.

Perhaps there is a middle ground though. For example, would your mother be open to a day out, with lunch or afternoon tea somewhere nice? That might help her to take a step out into the world again, but without feeling as worried about it. Or would she be open to a little celebration at home/in the garden, with just the very immediate family/people who are already in her “bubble”, and social distancing observed?

I would not put too much pressure on her for now

Maybe the trip away could be put off until next year, when things are – hopefully – a little bit more stable. But I would not put too much pressure on her for now, even though I know that you only want to treat her to a nice break. Ultimately, COVID has made us appreciate the special times that we have together. It does not really matter where that is, at the end of the day.

A reader writes

Hi Miriam,

Please ask the reader struggling to meet loan repayments (8 Aug edition) to ring the credit union and ask for the credit control officer. This person will help to sort the problem.

Thank you,

Regular reader

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