Desperate Farmwife: how do I get holiday-mode husband all the time?

Being a farming family, we don’t get away on holidays very often but a few weeks ago I managed to tear himself away from his “other” girls (the cows) and go on what has now been dubbed a “holistay”. We booked a large family suite in a hotel and, otherwise, made very few plans. We prayed for weather decent enough for family hikes, beach walks and picnics. The weather mostly co-operated, and it was a wonderful time.

I mean, is my holiday-mode husband what other (non-farmer) husbands are like all the time?

When we came home, things went back to normal. I went back to work, the kids went back to childcare and my husband went back to farming. But after a week’s holidays spent sharing childcare duties, not having to cook every meal and spending quality time together as a family, I started wondering: have I been duped? I mean, is my holiday-mode husband what other (non-farmer) husbands are like all the time?

Early days

I think back to my early days of motherhood. Did any other farmwives end up cooking dinner the same day they arrived home from the hospital? Each newborn baby would start with the same committed statement of: “I’ll take care of everything; you spend as much time in bed as you need” before calving, silage and various other jobs took precedent and I was left home alone with the children (I’m feeling woeful; just bear with me).

My Sundays are spent trying to have some quality time with the kids before the week starts all over again

It actually wasn’t as bad when I was on maternity leave and didn’t have to juggle a full-time job. Now, my Saturdays are spent overworking our poor washing machine, running hastily from shop to shop, doing the soccer training run and trying to keep a very messy house somewhat presentable. My Sundays are spent trying to have some quality time with the kids before the week starts all over again. The farm is a constant priority, understandably so, but sometimes I just really resent it – especially when I see other dads doing the shopping, the soccer run, or outside playing with their kids.

Missing the farm

Here’s another thing: every time we get away to spend family time together, two or three days into our holiday I start to see a glazed look in my husband’s eyes. I instinctively realise the honeymoon is over and he is missing the farm again (seriously!).

I’m all for getting the virus under control and learning to live with it until it’s no longer a threat

Lockdown has been hard on all of our social lives, and the new guidelines put in place are really telling us we shouldn’t get complacent or take our little freedoms for granted. I’m all for getting the virus under control and learning to live with it until it’s no longer a threat, but with everything going on, each week it’s getting harder to “keep the home fires burning”, as they say. With the return to school, morning lunches and uniform duty can be added to the to-do list, and we have to be even more vigilant with the kids back at school – I take temperatures each morning and ensure the kids wash their hands regularly.

My husband is loving, a hard worker and a great dad – these are all things to celebrate

Holiday-mode husband

What I’m saying is – especially in times like these – it would be nice to have holiday-mode husband all the time. Someone who makes dinner once in a while, who has two days off per week and takes the kids places so I can tidy in peace or just collect my thoughts and maybe have a shower without a barrage of small children shouting for mammy.

Of course I’m lucky in so many ways. My husband is loving, a hard worker and a great dad – these are all things to celebrate. And there’s lot to be proud of when you’re a farming family. But, maybe, we should all think about being in holiday-mode more often: taking time for family, sitting down together for a meal, taking a few minutes to kick a football around with the kids. And maybe I should ditch the washing and hoovering. Just thinking out loud.