Dear Miriam,

I live in a house share in Dublin with three other girls. One of the girls has a sister who has been living in Spain for the past year. She plans to come home for Christmas, but wants to “quarantine” in our house for two weeks before they both go to their family home. My housemate believes that this is the safest bet, as her mother has an underlying health condition, so would be more vulnerable if she went straight home.

However, myself and the other girls are very uncomfortable with this as we don’t want to be exposed to COVID-19 either, especially considering how bad it is in Spain. Also, she did not really even ask us first, she more or less assumed we would be fine with it. She says her sister will stay in the bedroom, but obviously, she is going to have to use the bathroom or the kitchen at some stage.

Obviously it’s her home too, and I don’t want to cause fall out, but I’m really not happy. What should I do?

Country Girl

Dear Country Girl,

I think you and the other girls must tell your housemate that you are not comfortable with the proposed arrangement, and that her sister will simply have to make another plan eg rent a short-term apartment for quarantine.

You have your own health and families to think of, and in my eyes, it’s just too risky. I also think it’s simply too much to ask of anybody right now; and she didn’t even ask, according to your email!

Sit down as a household and explain that while her sister would be welcome in normal circumstances, we are not living in normal times, and that you hope she understands how you feel. I know it’s not nice to say no to somebody you live with, but I don’t think you have any choice. If she has a problem with that, then that’s her issue. But you have every right to protect your own health and home. Best of luck.

A reader writes

Dear Miriam,

In response to your letter from a farmer feeling that there is nothing left in life as his children move on (Everything I worked so hard for is gone, published 31 October edition), I wish to share some kindness in these difficult, unprecedented times.

This farmer could be writing my story, except that as a mother I lived through very similar circumstances. If his children have now created new lives for themselves, well done to him for guiding them single-handed to confident adults. Similarly, my children have grown to be well-accomplished, mature adults and have their own lives and without support from a parent, things might be very different or perhaps even difficult for them. One good, forward-thinking parent can support a family, but unfortunately like this man, forget about their own lives and suddenly end up on their own.

I too have reached that point and now hope to begin the next chapter of my life. Presently it is not possible to attend any events due to COVID-19 restrictions, but hopefully when this pandemic is more controlled I suggest this man could explore some interest outside of farming. Initially it’s not easy going on your own, but it does get easier as you can meet and chat with others.

Farming is a good lifestyle to connect with at the moment, as no matter how bad things appear, spring will come bringing new life. The snowdrops and daffodils will sprout and bloom, the cows will calve and sheep lamb and above all the grass will grow to start the farming cycle all over again. Life is difficult for many people at this time and many do not have the freedom of the countryside or the opportunity to view with satisfaction contented animals lying in a shed as the winter elements prevail outside.

We all need to look towards 2021 with hope and maybe a different outlook on our own lives. The past is gone so make plans now for the future. I hope this will give a little encouragement to Lonely Farmer.

From a single mother

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