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Dear Miriam,
This problem may not be as serious as some that appear on this page, but all the same I would appreciate your input.
A very good friend of mine was supposed to get married in the summer and she postponed her wedding a year because of the pandemic.
At the start I said I’d grin and bear it, but now the more I see it, the more I dislike it
I’m her maid of honour, and although it has been a lot of work, especially with all the chopping and changing, I can’t say I haven’t enjoyed the experience.
However, I have one reoccurring issue with the whole thing, the bridesmaid dress! I really don’t like it, I don’t think it’s flattering and it’s not something I would ever wear myself. We have them quite a while now due to the date moving and we don’t know for sure when the wedding is going to be. At the start I said I’d grin and bear it, but now the more I see it, the more I dislike it.
But I’m wondering now, do you think I could bring it up with her about maybe getting something different?
She has three bridesmaids and said she picked that dress because it would suit everyone. And I suppose, in that sense, it’s a good choice.
But I’m wondering now, do you think I could bring it up with her about maybe getting something different? I could suggest it maybe in the sense of keeping up with fashion.
I haven’t spoken to the other bridesmaids about this, as they seem happy enough. Do you think it’s acceptable to ask or is it a wedding faux pais?
Unfashionable Bridesmaid
Dear Unfashionable Bridesmaid,
Thank you very much for getting in touch. I am sure very many bridesmaids who have gone before you have felt the very same way.
But to be quite straight, I do think your initial reaction of grinning and bearing is correct. I don’t think the hassle that would come with bringing this up with the bride and other bridesmaids is worth it.
On the day when you are all done up and ready to go, you will feel better about it
You said it is a style that suits everyone and I think that is important when choosing dresses for a few people. Others may not be comfortable in a different style of dress.
Unless there is something in particular that makes you uncomfortable in this dress, I think it is best to leave sleeping dogs lie.
On the day when you are all done up and ready to go, you will feel better about it. Try not to focus on it too much and just enjoy the experience of your friend getting married, whenever you get the chance.
The next time you get invited to a wedding as a guest, you can go all out with your outfit. But for now, it may be best to stick to the status quo.
Wishing you all the best,
Miriam
Dear Miriam,
In relation to the letter in the edition of 28 November, the first-time mother being anxious about being on her own for lot of the birth, I would like to give her some words of reassurance and encouragement. Hopefully it will allay some of her fears.
I work as a midwife in the south east and I know rules can differ from unit to unit, and it is indeed a very hard time for couples coming into hospital to deliver their babies.
We do endeavour to make the birth as positive an experience as possible under the circumstances.
In our case, partners are permitted in straight away once the mother arrives in labour, be it in active labour or at the start of induction, which may sometimes take up to 12 hours.
Most newly delivered mums probably spend the bones of two hours on the labour ward following the delivery and the partners are allowed stay until the transfer to the postnatal ward.
If you have any concerns, contact the labour ward, who will gladly give you advice.
Very best of luck with your upcoming birth. I hope it all goes well and enjoy your new bundle of joy.
South East Reader
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