Dear Miriam,

My boyfriend broke up with me just weeks before that start of the pandemic last spring. I was pretty sad, to say the least, during the first lockdown.

The recommended distraction tactics of staying busy weren’t really available to me.

Now I feel l have accepted the situation and I would like to move on with someone else.

I know people say you should be single for X, Y or Z amount of time after a breakup, but I don’t want to be. I’d like to meet someone that I could think about being with long term.

Where my problem really lies, Miriam, is not that my (ex)boyfriend broke up with me, but that I’m finding it very difficult to meet someone else. I feel like there are no outlets to meet people romantically at the moment. There are no nights out and just like everyone else, I’m going nowhere.

My friends suggested trying dating apps, but to be honest, I’ve never been on them and it just seems like a very impersonal way to meet someone

I thought there might be some opportunity this Christmas or into the new year, but with the new lockdown, I feel more hopeless than ever about meeting someone. My friends suggested trying dating apps, but to be honest, I’ve never been on them and it just seems like a very impersonal way to meet someone.

As time goes on, the lockdowns are getting to me a bit more. I’m living at home and I’m feeling pretty lost and lonely. At this stage, I feel I’ll be too old to meet someone soon. I’m tipping on into my late 20s now.

Is there anything I can do to meet someone Miriam, or even just relieve these feelings of loneliness?

Karen, Leinster

Dear Karen,

Firstly, I want to let you know that I am sure very many people are feeling the same way as you at this time, in being dispirited about meeting someone. In terms of being lonely, I would say the vast majority of people have felt lonely at some stage during this pandemic, so know you are not alone in how you feel.

I think right now it is important we cut ourselves a bit of slack with regard to how we feel. It is hard to feel normal in an abnormal situation, so don’t be too hard on yourself.

Be on your own timeline, not the one society dictates

In terms of meeting someone there are options, which I will get into in a minute. But in looking for a new relationship after a breakup, you are right, you should do it in your own time, however short or long that may be.

But you shouldn’t put pressure on yourself to meeting someone because of your age. You are in your late 20s, you have time to meet someone. Be on your own timeline, not the one society dictates.

At the moment, the best way to meet someone is virtually, so on a dating app. I am not an expert on dating or dating apps. It has been a long time since I was dating, I can assure you! But I have consulted a younger friend in the know.

I think it might be helpful if you were to take a new perspective on lockdown

She suggests Hinge, Tinder and Bumble. Hinge in particular, I’ve been told, is good if you are looking to meet someone serious. I think your best option is to give it a go. We must progress with the times. And who knows, when restrictions ease, maybe by then you will have met someone nice to meet up with.

Finally, I think it might be helpful if you were to take a new perspective on lockdown. Flip your thinking, stop seeing it as wasted time and start seeing it as a chance to better yourself. Is there a project you have been putting on the long finger or a skill you have always wanted to learn? Now is the time.

I wish you the very best in the future,

Miriam

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