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Dear Miriam,
I’ve been divorced now for several years, but that’s not the issue I’d like to get your advice on.
It’s the opposite actually, I think I’m ready to meet someone again. The problem is, I really don’t know how to go about it!
I’m in my mid-40s and I don’t even know where to start
Pre-pandemic I definitely wasn’t ready to start seeing someone, so it wasn’t even something that was on my mind. But now, having spent much of the last almost year and half on my own, I definitely think I’m ready to get back out there.
But to be honest, at this stage I’m in my mid-40s and I don’t even know where to start. The last time I was dating was 20 years ago and online dating wasn’t even a thing. You met people on nights out and through friends. People meet each other online these days I presume?
How does online dating work? Is it even safe to meet people off the internet?
I’ve asked my friends, but they’re all married, so they’re as clueless as I am. I wonder with all the different issues you deal with, could you shed any light on the situation?
How does online dating work? Is it even safe to meet people off the internet? I’m so unsure of how to navigate all this.
Can you help, Miriam?
Clueless
Dear Clueless,
Firstly, I would like to point out that you are not clueless. There is currently one area of romantic relationships that you are unsure of, and that is totally normal. Don’t worry, you can learn how to date again. Although the ways in which you meet people might be of a different nature now, human interaction at its core hasn’t changed.
Yes, it has to be said that meeting people now is different with the online element
Also – and I am not in any way trying to be insensitive, but I do believe you learn from every experience – don’t overlook the fact you may have learned a lot from your marriage. You probably have a better idea of what you are looking for; what will and won’t work for you in a long term relationship.
Yes, it has to be said that meeting people now is different with the online element. This has been magnified by the pandemic. But as I’ve said, at its root dating hasn’t changing. It’s still simply about meeting someone to see if you like them romantically.
Bumble in particular was mentioned as a good starting point. Women have to make the first move here
I myself have been out of the dating game since God was a boy, but I have consulted people in the know. In terms of dating apps for people a little bit older, particularly those looking for something more serious, the suggestion is to forget Tinder. Give Hinge and Bumble a try. Bumble in particular was mentioned as a good starting point. Women have to make the first move here.
However, anecdotally, some say that if you are really looking to meet someone serious and don’t want to potentially go on dates with people not looking for something similar, a site like Match.com or Elite Singles might be a good option. Mairead Loughman of Love HQ is a matchmaker who meets with clients (when possible) giving that personal touch. Don’t forget our Getting in Touch section overleaf, either.
I would suggest not leaving it too long before meeting up, as you really don’t know if you will like someone until you are face-to-face
In terms of dating etiquette, try to avoid starting conversations with, “Hi” or “How’re you?” Often there is something on their profile you can remark on. I would suggest not leaving it too long before meeting up, as you really don’t know if you will like someone until you are face-to-face.
When meeting someone from the internet, always start by meeting them in a busy public place. Obviously with current restrictions, a busy park for a walk and a coffee is a good idea. Do not go anywhere secluded.
Also, with restrictions easing and more social interaction coming our way, you never know who you might meet! Expect the unexpected.
Wishing you love and happiness,
Miriam
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