Dear Miriam: my parents are upset I’m moving back to Dublin

Dear Miriam,

I’m a woman in my 20s. Like many, I moved home during the pandemic. Overall, I really enjoyed the time at home with my parents and brothers. During the first lockdown I really struggled while living in Dublin and I was glad of the space at home and on the farm when I moved back.

However, that said, since things have started opening up a bit more I’ve found home a bit suffocating. I suddenly really wanted the freedom back that I had in Dublin. Also, I’ll be back in my office two days a week from sometime in September, so I’ve decided to move back to Dublin from then.

Things took a bit of a turn though when I told my parents. My dad was so disappointed by the news. There was no argument at all – which in a way made things harder because they were understanding – they just asked was there any particular reason I was moving back.

I told them I found it distracting working from home and with going back to the office it would be much easier to be in Dublin. Which they totally accepted, but my heart was broken when my dad said he’d build a home office if I wanted to stay.

Now I feel so guilty moving back up and I’m rethinking my decision. Maybe I should stay at home? At the end of the day, home was distracting work-wise, but I’d get over it. I’m back in the office, but I could commute two days a week easily enough. I mostly want to go back to Dublin for the lifestyle. I do see myself moving home at some stage, but just not in my 20s.

Miriam, is moving back to Dublin worth upsetting my parents?

Distressed Daughter

Dear Distressed Daughter,

Thank you very much for your email. I am glad you enjoyed your time at home, but I do understand where you are coming from in wanting your own space and a busier lifestyle. That is very normal.

I know it must be hard that your parents are disappointed you are moving back to Dublin, but try to remember it is only because they love you and love having you around. I always think that honesty is the best policy. I would suggest you tell them that working from home and distance are small but ultimately not defining factors. You want to move back to Dublin for the lifestyle.

As you outlined to me, tell them that in the future you do see yourself living around home, but right now you want to enjoy a different lifestyle. I think in the greater scheme of things this might make it easier for them to accept.

Also, don’t forget that – regardless of where in the country you are from – Dublin isn’t that far away. Make sure you remind them that you will be home often to see them at the weekends. With a hybrid in-office/working from home situation, you will possibly be able to come for more than a couple of days, which is great.

I commend you for being so considerate of your parents’ feelings and for being empathetic towards them. I do think though, while taking others into account as you have, we need to live our lives for ourselves, doing the things we want to do.

Life is short, make the most of it. Have no regrets.

Wishing you all the best,

Miriam. CL

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