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The last three years have been difficult. COVID-19 and all of its implications changed our lives, drawing down on us hygiene regimes and protocols about everything.
Walls grew up between family members that maybe didn’t respect those new practices and we held our friends at arm’s length. We became insular, fearful and suddenly the future was different. We avoided human touch and a mask hid our smiles, our empathy and our distress. Our hearts hardened a little as we struggled to cope with the new workload of the new and unnatural way of living.
Last week, the Women & Agriculture conference returned in all its glory. I was wound up like a spring, frazzled from caring duties. Diarmuid had just come out of hospital following his kidney transplant and our house is back to hygiene regimes and protocols to which we are adapting with ease. Our sons are at the back door again wearing masks and we are proceeding with nervous caution. But, this time around, there is hope for a better life for D.
I wondered if I could attend the conference? Tim insisted that I go and he took over all of the caring duties. I needed the break so badly. Part of me didn’t want to leave D. I didn’t want to let the Irish Country Living team down by not attending nor did I want the home team to be under too much pressure while I was gone. My family pushed me out the door. I didn’t begin to relax until my friend Ann arrived out to the hotel carpark to help me with my baggage. I have a squad of women who would stand on their heads for me on that day and they make me feel like a celebrity.
A knife, butter and jam
It was so good to be back, recognising faces, spotting mothers and daughters and sisters and friends together. Women embraced each other and drew solace from the presence and listening ear of a heretofore stranger that understood.
It was hard to comprehend the amount of women and families that were struggling with loss and difficulties at home. So many stories, so much heartache from loved ones who died, health challenges arising in that time of aloneness, mental illness striking in that vulnerable time and the pain of serious farm accidents.
Mostly we take it all in our stride but COVID-19 exacerbated everything. Probably the best sound during the conference was not the speakers’ voices but the spontaneous laughter of the women in response.
One such time was when Enda Murphy, psychotherapist, was speaking with Maria Moynihan of Irish Country Living on the panel on Women’s Health. He was addressing perfectionism and deducing that women or indeed men in the homemaker or caring role are not satisfied with things being OK. Instead, they must be a certain way. In time, this leads you, not to see everything you do right but instead all the things you didn’t do right. It results in anxiety about what’s going to occur, guilt about what has happened and shame that it is your fault.
Enda suggested a test: “Get an ordinary kitchen knife, stick it into the butter, then into the jam and smear it onto the kitchen unit and leave it there. Fine yourself €20 if you move it before 48 or 72 hours. Will someone else move it or comment? Who’s pushing your buttons or who gets most agitated about it?”
We laughed out loud knowing full well we ourselves would be most upset. In fact, the rest of the family might not notice. Enda encouraged us to keep things in perspective and accept that not all members of a family aspire to the same standard of day to day living. It’s certainly food for thought.
Good conference
The conference was all-encompassing, connecting the generations. Taoiseach Micheál Martin got a warm reception and connected with the audience easily. Minister for Justice Helen McEntee TD spoke candidly about her work and the need for more women in public life. She said that while we might not like quotas, they were the only way to increase women’s participation in politics. Caitríona Morrissey did a fabulous job of interviewing the minister who proved herself to be a fine role model for young women. Over the coming weeks we will impart further information from the conference. It was indeed a good one. Well done to all involved.
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