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It is hard to believe that Dad, John Campion, is dead a full year. It seems only like yesterday that I held his hand and we spoke softly together as he was slipping away from us. The void he has left in our lives is packed with beautiful memories; all of them a reminder of his gentle, jolly and kind personality.
The first anniversary of the death of a loved one churns up the grief and gives it a renewed vigour. You might have thought that you were in control, then you discover that you most certainly are not.
The clenched hands squeezing my heart are back again. This grief now needs to be accommodated within me. It is a part of me. It will change over time but will remain there forever. I imagine my heart having compartments, like an advent calendar! Some doors I leave closed and only open them occasionally. Others fly open without any direction from me, taking me by surprise, causing a tear to fall, a smile to cross my face or a warm feeling of love to remind me of someone special.
Memorial card
It is a tradition in Ireland to have a memorial card or bookmark to commemorate a loved one. We like the tradition. Dad actually loved them - he collected them all and would often go through them, reminding us of different people that had died.
When Mam died almost nineteen years ago, I got a nice bookmark done. I have one on my desk in school and one on my bedside locker at home. Diarmuid keeps his Granny close and I’ve seen my nieces with the bookmark, also.
I used a particular company for Mam’s one, but they seem to have gone out of business. That time, within a few days of a loved one dying, the samples of memorial cards would arrive in the post. To be honest, it was a terrible practice and they were usually left where they fell when posted through the door - until a year later.
Each picture told a story of John’s life - from his wedding picture, through our childhood years
I took out the laptop and had a look at the various options. Many felt cold and clinical. Order on line, fill out the form with details, choose the verse and so on. I closed the laptop again. That went on until my brother was wondering how the memorial cards were coming along! The anniversary was nearing and I needed to focus.
The first task was to find a suitable picture of John. I quickly realised that he rarely looked at the camera. My siblings helped out, trawling through their pictures. This task was tough. Each picture told a story of John’s life - from his wedding picture, through our childhood years, farming, his wife Maria, our graduations and weddings, and then the grandchildren, holidays, hospital, GAA matches and his great-grandson.
The picture we settled on, in the end, was one from Semple Stadium in Thurles where he was watching his grandson, Conor Bowe, playing a hurling match. His face is animated and happy.
Job done
I opened the laptop again, with intent this time. I found myself going back to Simply Memorial Cards. I had noticed that I could e-mail my ideas or even use WhatsApp to communicate with them. I e-mailed the company with my ideas, a few pictures and a piece of poetry. The following day, I had an e-mail from Conor Coleman with the first draft of the bookmark. The work went on over several weeks (my fault, not Conor’s). I found I’d just have to take a pause from it.
There followed many drafts, while Conor followed my directions and suggestions. He changed backgrounds, colours and pictures until I was happy. I ran it by my siblings. In fairness to them, they accepted my choices and the job was done.
A quick phone call to Conor, payment was made and the box of beautiful bookmarks and acknowledgement cards arrived a few days later. Simple Memorial Cards are a family run business in Bandon, Co Cork. Conor made a difficult task very easy for me. I am very grateful for his professionalism and kindness.
I think Dad would be pleased with the result. I miss his news. I miss the reminders of places I should be according to him. I miss spending time with him. Death is difficult. Life goes on and the grief becomes part of us.
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