Dear Miriam,

I am a mature lady embarking on a new path for myself. In September, I went to a careers open evening and decided to embark on a course in animal anatomy and physiology. I was so nervous going back to education as a mature student, but I absolutely love my course on a Monday evening.

This is where the problem lies for me. Miriam, I have never been lucky in love and I’m still single. At the careers evening, I met my new tutor and I felt an instant attraction for him. He was so lovely and told me all about the course and encouraged me to take part. I noticed when I smiled or laughed, he did exactly the same thing. So now I am wondering, does he have feelings for me too?

Miriam, I am very attracted to this handsome tutor. I find myself thinking about him so much. I notice when he is explaining something, our eyes tend to meet and then he pauses and stops like he is getting distracted by me.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t claim to be so beautiful. See, I always sit at the front of the science lab to be able to see the board properly due to my eyesight.

I don’t think he is married because I don’t see any wedding ring.

Miriam, considering the fact that I am a mature student and not a teenager with a schoolgirl crush, what do I do in this situation?

My module ends in a few weeks and I would like to meet this man on a personal level for a date.

I think we are a similar enough age. Not only is he handsome, but he seems to have a wonderful personality.

I have confided in a few close friends. One of them told me to ask him out on a date. I told her that it would be very unprofessional of me. Although we are mature adults, I would be afraid of rejection.

Unfortunately, I don’t know where he goes on social outings because if I did, I could try talking to him. I don’t see how we would be doing anything wrong on a personal level if he felt the same way as me. Please advise me.

Love struck single lady

Dear Reader

Thank you for getting in touch. I have read your letter and first of all I want to say well done for embarking on the new course. It is good to challenge ourselves in life, and challenges are necessary for personal growth.

I am sorry to read that you have never been lucky in love. For a relationship to work, we need to examine first and foremost the relationship we have with ourselves. If we constantly put ourselves down and lack self-confidence, then we will find it difficult to accept unconditional love from another person.

We may also find it difficult to maintain healthy boundaries in our anxiety to please people and have them like us.

Look inwards

When a person tells me they have never been lucky in love, I encourage them to look inwards and explore the relationship they have with themselves. Many people judge themselves on their flaws, when really they need to explore these issues with compassion and seek help and support to try and improve on them.

Once we learn to silence the inner critic and start loving ourselves unconditionally, the barriers to finding true love and enjoying a happy and authentic relationship fall away. It may help you to explore this issue under the professional guidance of a counsellor. Here you will be afforded a safe, confidential and non-judgmental space to do just that. You mentioned that you do not claim to be beautiful. Know that each and every human being is beautiful and unique.

We may also find it difficult to maintain healthy boundaries in our anxiety to please people and have them like us.

Supportive

College tutors are generally kind, caring and very supportive of their students. It is important for them to establish a healthy relationship with each one so that the student feels comfortable in seeking help and guidance whilst studying their course of choice.

The fact this gentleman does not sport a wedding ring is not proof of his relationship status. I feel that in your sense of loneliness and strong desire to meet someone, you may be overanalysing his kindness and willingness to talk to you occasionally. Whilst it is definitely not a teenage crush, know that adults are not immune to experiencing crushes.

For now, I suggest you start building up the relationship you have with you and see the difference it can make. I wish you the best of luck.

Read more

Ask Miriam: 'It feels like I am invisible to my wife'

Ask Miriam: 'Should I keep the farm in the family name?'