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It’s January – dark and dreary. It should be getting me down, but I’m enjoying the break from milking. I even have the odd lie-in (sometimes until 7.30am) and finish my work at a reasonable time.
Would you believe it – I even took up hobbies. I don’t know what it is, but I seem to have more time to watch nature. Usually I’m running around like a headless chicken trying to get jobs done, but lately I have time to think and observe wildlife. I can’t believe it, but I’m becoming a bird-watcher.
Bird watching
Just the other day, I saw a snow white pigeon. Now, before you say, “Ah come on – that was a seagull,” let me tell you that he was hanging out with all the other pigeons, it wasn’t squawking and it had the swagger of a land creature. I have also been watching crows – again, not sure why; there’s millions of those lads. What piqued my interest was how they work as a team to rob our meal. You would have one or two crows at the end of the shed picking at meal and before you get down near them, there are a few more at the other end.
Say what you want, but those cheeky thieves know how to coordinate.
After spending way too much time observing the movements of crows, I realised I probably needed to get out of the yard for a bit. I head off down the fields. It’s not a great place to be this time of year. If I had a boat, I could sail down. Anyway, off I go with a big stick wandering and listening, not a care in the world. Then up jumps a pheasant; nearly knocking me down. I mean how preoccupied are they that they can’t see a slightly overweight farmer until I’m nearly on top of them?
In case the January cabin fever couldn’t get worse, I had casually mentioned my latest interest in birds to herself and she bought me binoculars for Christmas. She’s threatening to buy me a bird book for my birthday. If it keeps going like this, I will be wearing duck whistles and camouflage and building huts to watch cranes in the bogs. I’m almost wishing for the cows to start calving sooner. Then it hits me (not metaphorically; it was a projectile from that stupid white pigeon). I suddenly turn from David Attenborough to Dick Dastardly. Luckily, I don’t have any flying contraptions or explosives.
I start thinking – is there a way I can trick the birds, get them away from the meal and keep them from destroying my milking parlour?
I need to get creative. I tried a fake bird first. Basically, it looks like a bird of prey and makes a squealing noise. It worked for a day or two, but they copped on and have since defecated all over it.
I start thinking – is there a way I can trick the birds, get them away from the meal and keep them from destroying my milking parlour?
I need to get creative. I tried a fake bird first. Basically, it looks like a bird of prey and makes a squealing noise. It worked for a day or two, but they copped on and have since defecated all over it.
Next, I thought about a scarecrow with a fake gun. I got an old tyre that had a cement wooden post in it, tied plywood horizontally and dressed it in some farm gear. I borrowed a fake AK47 and a Batman face mask from my nephew (if Batman can protect Gotham, surely my yard will be a breeze). I spent way too much time on this. My wife was getting worried. At one point she told me to go out with my friends as I was becoming ‘too attached’ to Farmer Sparrow (yes I did give it a name - nothing weird about that).
Batman face mask
Anyway, to cut long story short, it was another disaster. I didn’t account for all the strong winds and rain, which totally blew it to pieces. Not to be deterred, I decided to rebuild and put it in a safer spot – or what I thought was safe. Never mentioned it to the father and he drove into it with the Massey and the scraper. He got an awful fright; he thought he killed Batman.
After that, I just gave up and left it to nature. I learned a lot of valuable lessons these past weeks – namely that I don’t have a career in drapery, Batman would be a terrible farmer, and birds are smarter than me.
I hope all my fellow dairy farmers are enjoying the break. There’s a few jobs to be done but take the time to try some new hobbies.
Sure you never know what you might discover about yourself.
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