Ask Miriam: ‘how do I keep the peace at my sister’s hen party?’

Dear Miriam,

I am organising a hen party for my sister later this summer. However, there are two girls in the group who were previously friends, but have fallen out with each other in recent months. I’m not really sure what it’s all about, but it’s causing some awkwardness, to say the least.What is the best way to handle this situation? It’s not like I can invite one and not the other and I don’t want to stress my sister out either in the run-up to the wedding. I would appreciate any advice you could give me.

With thanks,

Bridesmaid-to-be

Dear Bridesmaid-to-be,

Thank you for my email. I can understand why you are concerned, as you just want the best for your sister, but honestly, if I were you, I would not get too involved in trying to play United Nations in this instance.

These women are both grown-ups and will need to find a mature way to deal with this situation themselves. After all, I’m assuming that they will both be at the wedding and other gatherings with friends in the future, so they will need to find some pathway to co-exist peacefully.

I presume that you will be using WhatsApp or a similar group messaging platform to send the initial invite and information for the hen party. Include them both, as normal. There is no need to make any big deal out of this. I am sure they will check themselves if the other one is invited and will be able to make their own minds up about whether they wish to attend or not. Let them to it, I say! They are responsible for their own decisions. If one of them is uncomfortable attending, it is up to them then to let you or your sister know. They can always make their own alternative arrangements.

If they both decide to attend, of course, you can be diplomatic about who shares a room with whom etc, so that they are not in too close quarters. But ultimately, this is your sister’s hen weekend and if they can’t cop on and be civil for her sake, then they are not worth worrying about.

I hope that this is some way helpful and I wish you all a great time.

These women are both grown-ups and will need to find a mature way to deal with this situation themselves

Hello Miriam,

I felt so sorry for that poor man and his wife who lost their beloved dog (‘Is it silly to be so upset by death of my dog?’ published 4 May edition). No, he is not wrong to feel such grief.

We lost our beloved family labrador 10 years ago, at the ripe old age of 13. Nothing could have prepared me for the grief I felt. I lost half a stone and I was inconsolable. I said I would never get another dog, but my children got round me and a year later we welcomed another labrador into the family.

She is now nine and I love her like a human child. But this time I feel I will be more prepared for the day she crosses the rainbow bridge, having gone through it already. We also, last year, got a rescue dog, who had been abused and locked up for breeding.

Please tell this couple to not be afraid to get another dog, and maybe to consider a rescue dog. There are few enough people like them who obviously gave a dog a five star home and there are many dogs out there who deserve a second chance.

Kind regards,

Leann