Desperate Farmwife: bullying in a small, rural school is difficult to navigate

If you spend any amount of time watching a herd of cows, you will inevitably notice some bullying taking place. Just like humans, cows have other cows they like and enjoy spending time with. They also have cows they dislike, avoid, exclude or even push around.

Cows are social animals and they have roots in a matriarchal system, meaning their ancestors lived in groups run by mothers and their offspring. While it might benefit biosecurity to keep calves isolated in their own pens, it has been found that it is more beneficial to the growth and overall health of a calf to live in groupings with other calves.

They are, as I mentioned, very social creatures – just like ourselves.

Bullying and exclusion

It’s hard to see a cow being bullied, though, and there are always a few who just don’t seem to fit in with the overall herd. The excluded cows always become my favourites. I talk to them more often and, if they let me, I offer plenty of ear scratches.

I think my dear aul’ husband is probably the more sensitive and romantic of the two of us (last week’s column being a classic case in point), but there are a few things which make my heart want to shatter into a million pieces. Witnessing bullying and exclusion is one of them.

Unfortunately, as both farmers and parents of small children, this is always going to be a reality. But how best to deal with it; especially when your children attend a small, rural school with low numbers?

I know nearly all of the parents of my children’s classmates, and I don’t have a negative thing to say about any of them. We are lucky to live in a community of really lovely people and great teachers, with a zero-tolerance approach to bullying within the school itself. Still, none of this stops bullying from occurring. It doesn’t stop my children from being excluded, told “so and so doesn’t like you” or “you’re ugly”.

A few weeks ago, one of my children was looking in the bathroom mirror when her Granny entered the room to make sure she was brushing her teeth. “Do you think I’m ugly, Granny?” she asked. She explained that the previous day another girl in her class had told her just that. Her Granny melted on the spot. No small child should have to look in the mirror and wonder if she is ugly.

Now look – I know my kids can be ‘a lot’. They drive me batty every other day. They are an intense mix of intelligence, fieriness and confidence. They fight like cats and dogs. They are certainly not angels, but they are nice.

We have tried to raise them to be good friends; kind and empathetic. So when they have trouble at school, it can be difficult to navigate. Maybe their peers find them obnoxious, at times. Kids have a hard time filtering their annoyance. Or maybe it’s more than that, and the bullying being reported at home is exactly just that – bullying.

A few weeks ago, one of my children was looking in the bathroom mirror when her Granny entered the room to make sure she was brushing her teeth. “Do you think I’m ugly, Granny?” she asked

I remember growing up in a tiny community and feeling like no one really understood me. I couldn’t wait to leave – to go to college and see the world. And when I did leave; I met some wonderful people. I made friends who have withstood the test of time. This is what I tell my children when they are having a tough time at school: this is just the start of your life.

You are going to grow up and meet the most amazing people who have similar interests, will share really important moments with you and who will love you forever. All you have to do right now is try your best to be that kind of friend to others.

Bullies will have some difficult life lessons ahead of them, but children who have been excluded or bullied will understand what it means to be strong and persevere.

I’m not sure if I can help the cow-bullying situation, but I am always available for more ear scratches.

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