Christmas time can be noisy and busy, especially for parents of young families. It can be hard to find some tranquillity, or even silence, in the madness of it all. It is important to enjoy the hustle and bustle of life and to know that it will not always be that way. A day will come when I will have too much time on my hands. I dread that day.

Christmas is a time for family and friends, and I love to have them all around me. It isn’t always possible for various reasons and it is important to understand that our sons and daughters have people to see and places to go.

Julie and Dave are in Tenerife right now, so we didn’t see them around the kitchen table for Christmas dinner. I’m sure she missed us just as much as we missed her, but Dave is her number one now and so he should be.

We had Diarmuid, Philip and Colm and our guest of honour was my mother-in-law, Lil. We were absolutely thrilled to have this vibrant lady with us in 2018. Having two sons and three daughters all living locally, she is in high demand.

She celebrated her 90th birthday at the start of the year so she has great stories of times past to tell us. As Colm has just returned from his Nuffield travels in New Zealand and Australia, he too had many stories to tell.

We have a tradition on the O’Leary side of the family that whereever Lil has her Christmas dinner, all the cousins collect on Christmas night. It is a special Christmas for her, as she became a great-grandmother to Alana during the summer. Alana is the daughter of Aileen and Colm Casey. Aileen is the daughter of Laoise and Sean Hennessy. Laoise is Tim’s sister. So we had new grandparents to celebrate too. Having the four generations in the one place was rather special.

If you’re controlling someone, anyone? Search deep in your soul and decide to stop. Life is too short to make others miserable. Research shows that we are happier when we are kind and caring to others. Everyone deserves to be loved and to be valued.

Mend the fences

Christmas time is also an opportunity to move on from grudges and gripes, jealousies and arguments. For a lot of farming families, it is a quiet time on the farm. The lads here have the jobs wrapped up by early afternoon. Consequently, there is an opportunity to find time for people, maybe to even say sorry and to explain misunderstandings. Most conflicts can be resolved easily once the parties are willing.

Christmas time can inspire us to focus on increasing our tolerance levels of others and accepting difference. Life would be very boring if we were all the same. Sometimes we don’t agree with what other family members think or do. I have always found that it is best to be tolerant. We may well behave differently in another’s shoes. Mend the fences if you can. It is always worth it.

Letter

During the year I receive many letters. Occasionally, I get an anonymous one. I usually ignore them, but one chilled me to the bone. It was from a woman. She was disparaging about the fine life I had, which made me sad. Then reading on, I could see that her life was so far away from mine and the loving family and friends that I have to support me, that I understood.

She detailed a controlling husband who gave her no access to money and she felt isolated and alone. Her life was one devoid of love or any appreciation. Drudgery and hopelessness were her normality.

So if you’re controlling someone, anyone? Search deep in your soul and decide to stop. Life is too short to make others miserable. Research shows that we are happier when we are kind and caring to others. Everyone deserves to be loved and to be valued.

I wish I had answers for women stuck in these situations and that is why I appeal to the men involved to stop and think. I know it can be the other way around too, but right now I’m thinking of women.

So as we move to 2019, let’s just try to make life better for those who might be lonely or in a controlling situation. Open your eyes and be aware. CL