Christmas is over for another year, but unfortunately my Christmas was not one of peace and goodwill.

Let me explain. We have this annual tradition when all the family come to me for Christmas Eve dinner. That’s myself, my brother and his wife, my son and his wife, my daughter and her husband and their wee ones.

The pressure of hosting never takes too much out of me – in fact, I really enjoy it, and I usually just assemble a Christmas buffet with smoked salmon, cheeses, and the like.

I always make what my daughter calls a cauldron of mulled wine, but maybe this year, the brew was too strong because my brother, my son and my daughter ended up having a massive argument about politics. The general election results, no less.

It’s all ironed out now and everyone is on speaking terms, but my son has resolved that he’s never coming to my Christmas Eve dinner again.

I’m really hurt by his announcement because this has been an annual tradition since my children were born, and it has continued through the ups and downs of life, including my kids flying the nest and the death of my husband eight years ago.

It’s my favourite part of Christmas, especially because the children are often at their in-laws on Christmas Day.

How do I convince my son to change his mind?

- Susan, Co Galway

Dear reader,

Thank you for writing and sharing your Christmas experience, which has clearly left you feeling hurt. I’m terribly sorry, it’s always difficult when a special occasion doesn’t go according to plan, and as I have written many times before, Christmas is not the most wonderful time of the year for everyone. For many, it’s a time of loneliness, sadness, and sometimes one that is fraught with tension.

Firstly, it’s important to acknowledge that all is not lost. As you observe, things have been patched up and everyone is on speaking terms. This is good news. Secondly, your son’s reaction might seem extreme to you but sometimes, in the heat of the moment, people make definitive statements like “I’m never doing this again!”

Once the dust has settled, you might have a calm and private conversation with your son. Let him know how much hosting Christmas Eve dinner means to you — not just as a tradition but as a way of bringing everyone together. Express how much you enjoy having him there, not to guilt him into coming but to remind him that you love him and his family.

You could also discuss ways to avoid tensions arising in the future, like a ‘no politics’ rule. Give your son time to express his point of view also. It is important to listen and take his comments on board.

Finally, remember that Christmas is one whole year away. Emotions often soften with time, and the sting of this year may well fade. Traditions are precious, but they also evolve and can shape into new ones as well.

Whatever happens, know that bringing family together will be appreciated, even if not everyone can attend every year.

Do you have a problem you would like to share? If so, write in confidence to: Dear Miriam, Agony Aunt, Irish Country Living, Irish Farmers Journal, Irish Farm Centre, Bluebell, Dublin 12, or email miriam@farmersjournal.ie