I don’t know where to start with this letter as I feel quite ridiculous at my age asking for advice on this matter, but here it goes. I’m 65-years-old and a widow. My husband passed away five years ago, leaving myself and my two children devastated by his loss. We were married 40 wonderful years and I miss him very much, I never expected to be a widow this young.

My daughter and son are both married with young families. They are so good to me and have got me through the last few difficult years. They stayed over with me when I needed them and they gave me all the support I could ask for. I would like them to be able to get on with their lives now, without worrying about me all the time.

While I feel stronger than I did during those early years of grieving, I find I am really struggling with loneliness, especially through the winter months. I found the last few months incredibly hard.

So now five years on, I would like to try and meet someone, but I am at a loss where to begin, or how I would even broach the subject with my son and daughter.

I keep myself busy, as much as I can, but I do miss companionship. I’m not looking for the big love I had with my husband. I know I will never have that again and I’m not trying to replace him either (nobody would come near) but I would like to meet someone with similar interests, to share adventures with, cook dinner for, and maybe even share affection.

I feel quite embarrassed writing and asking for dating advice, but I really don’t want to be alone forever. I’m also worried that my neighbours and friends will think I have moved on too fast, and I dread bringing up the subject with my children.

- Lonely in Clare

Dear reader

Firstly, I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you had a beautiful relationship with your husband, so I understand how difficult it is to imagine a new life with someone else when you’ve spent so much time loving each other.

Losing a spouse is an incredibly difficult experience, and it can take time to heal and feel ready to start dating again, and it’s also very brave to put yourself back out there.

Remember everyone’s grieving process looks different, so the best advice I can give is to listen to your own intuition.

If loneliness is your key driver to meeting someone (and that is only natural), I would suggest first that a local interest group would help you meet new people. There is also a website that caters for all sorts of different groups called meetup.com or perhaps, you could try volunteering. It could be helpful to have some activities for yourself and take some of the pressure off meeting someone to fill that void.

Going on a few dates is a great way of testing the waters, and can help you determine what it is you really want and it could well lead to companionship, love, and renewed happiness.

It sounds like you have a great relationships with both your children and while they also miss their dad, they may actually want to see you happy again with someone else. They might even help you to write an advert for ‘Getting In Touch’ or a dating website, where you will find a lot of people in similar situations as yourself. It’s worth having a chat about it. Their reaction might surprise you – I’m sure they just want the best for you.

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