Dear Miriam,

My fiancé and I were due to get married this October, with over 200 guests invited on the day. We had held off on cancelling to see how things would pan out with COVID, but I don’t think that anybody really knows how things are going to go still. Even if we were allowed to have a big wedding, I’m not sure that people would be very comfortable attending, especially as we would have family in the older/more vulnerable categories.

He says the important thing is getting married; the rest is just the party

But here’s the thing. I would like to postpone the whole wedding for a year, but my boyfriend thinks we should go ahead ourselves with the religious ceremony with just our immediate families present. He says the important thing is getting married; the rest is just the party.

I’m not a bridezilla or anything like that, but I don’t think it’s too much to ask to have a wedding day with all the people you love there

I agree that the ceremony is the most important part of the day, but I think I would find it sad not having extended family and all our friends there to see us tie the knot. It would not be the day that I have dreamed of and planned, for so long.

I know it’s different for lads, and my boyfriend would not be in to “fuss” at the best of times. I’m not a bridezilla or anything like that, but I don’t think it’s too much to ask to have a wedding day with all the people you love there.

Am I being unreasonable?

Bride To Be

Dear Bride To Be,

Thanks for your email. I’m really sorry that you have had to postpone your wedding day for the greater good, like so many other couples around the country, and hopefully it won’t be long before we can all enjoy a “big day out” again.

Regarding your question, I guess this comes down to compromise! Which is something that we all need to practice in our relationships.

I’m sure you have seen a few stories in the papers and online about couples who have gone ahead with their wedding ceremonies during lockdown

I think it would be very disappointing not to have the big day you had dreamed of with all your loved ones present; but that does not mean that there is no merit in your boyfriend’s suggestion either.

I’m sure you have seen a few stories in the papers and online about couples who have gone ahead with their wedding ceremonies during lockdown, with the reception etc postponed for another time. Maybe if it means so much to your boyfriend, it is worth considering, if he is also happy to go ahead with the “big day” later on, as you wish.

It could actually be a lovely way to mark the original wedding date

Even pre-lockdown, people would sometimes have a smaller ceremony in advance of the big wedding day (for example, if they were getting married in certain countries overseas) and these always seemed to me to be intimate occasions which were really all about the couple.

It could actually be a lovely way to mark the original wedding date; and you could make it special by booking a photographer on the day or arranging a small meal afterwards for your witnesses (subject to whatever social distancing rules we will be abiding by then). I’m sure you will want to keep “the dress” for the big day, so it might be an excuse to treat yourself to something nice too.

Talk to him and try to find a solution that you are both happy with

But of course, ultimately it’s about yourself and your boyfriend making a commitment to each other; and seeing as you have been disappointed this year, I think you deserve two special days to make up for it! Talk to him and try to find a solution that you are both happy with. I wish you the best of luck and happiness together.

I wish you the best.

A Reader Writes

Dear Miriam,

I feel so sorry for that lady, dealing with that man who shouts at her when she requests her partner to wash his hands (“I’m feeling quite low these days”, published 13 June edition).

Being married for over 40 years to a similar gent who cannot be crossed, I know how frustrating it is. Only in the last year or two have we heard in great detail of emotional abuse and how it erodes a relationship. Thank God I am in a position to separate as we are financially secure enough.