I noticed the lady staring at me as I stood chatting to guests in the hotel lobby. We had all just arrived and were getting to know each other. I wondered if we were in her way, or if she was annoyed we were so noisy. But at a break in our conversations, the lady stepped up in front of me.

“You’re Margaret, aren’t you? How’s your bra?”

Now, while that might seem a very rude question to most, I knew immediately that she had been at the Women & Agriculture conference last year.

She introduced herself as Breege from Sligo and we had a few laughs reminiscing about last year’s event where I took part in a session on wearing the correct bra.

Over dinner that night, one of the guests who had witnessed the introduction told me she wished she had the courage to go up to someone and start a conversation. She often sees people she would like to talk to, but doesn’t have the courage to walk up to them.

I decided to do a very impromptu poll and asked the group of 10 women if they were comfortable speaking to strangers, or even someone they knew vaguely. Only two said they would happily go up to someone and start a conversation.

So what were the barriers for those who weren’t comfortable? The common theme was what they felt the other person would think. They worried they would be seen as rude, or interfering.

Oh, believe me, I thought exactly the same for years. I hated business or social settings where I had to introduce myself, convinced the other person thought I was annoying them.

So what were the barriers for those who weren’t comfortable? The common theme was what they felt the other person would think

But then I met a therapist who said to me: “Margaret, you’re the cleverest person I know. You have the ability to know what everyone else is thinking.” She made me realise I was assuming I knew what they were thinking and that it was going to be negative.

It’s this same negative thinking that keeps so many of us from contributing to meetings and discussions. How many times have we sat, really wanting to make a point, feeling our voice isn’t being heard, yet afraid to raise our hand?

A few years ago, I decided that as soon as I heard something I wanted to ask a question about, I would raise my hand. I knew if I waited to think about it, I’d lose courage and tie myself up in knots trying to find the perfect words.

That wait for the microphone to make its way to you can be excruciating. Yes, I’m shaking inside as I stand up, but out comes my question or comment anyway. What helps me do this?

Well, I remember the lesson learned from my therapist in the first instance, and I accept that I have no idea what everyone is thinking.

Stumbled through

Secondly, even if I make a complete pig’s ear of it, who is going to remember? Most people are too busy with their own lives to remember yer one who got up and stumbled through a question.

And thirdly, I frequently meet people after an event who’ve said ‘thank you’ for asking a question they had wanted to.

This year’s Women & Agriculture conference is just around the corner. It’s a great opportunity to have your voice heard.

Well done if, for the first time, you raise your hand to ask a question. If you decide not to, let’s encourage those who do.

Not ready for that yet? Well, maybe start by introducing yourself to strangers. Whether you go on your own or with friends there are loads of opportunities to meet other women. Start simple. ‘Hi, I’m Margaret. Great conference, isn’t it? Did you travel far?’

Maybe save the ‘how’s your bra’, unless you met me at last year’s conference.