November is the month when we resign ourselves to long, dark evenings, after the glow of autumn. It’s the month when we transition from harvest to winter. It symbolises the cycle of life and death, and many religions and cultures honour the dead during the month.

Here and in many countries, the month starts with All Saints Day and All Souls Day. It is also common for parishes to hold remembrance masses for the deceased of the parish during November.

In the UK, Remembrance Day is in mid-November and remembers those who have died in combat.

They do things differently in Mexico and other parts of Latin America.

They have Day of the Dead at the start of November, a holiday second only to Christmas in its popularity. While many would assume a festival called Day of the Dead to be sombre, it’s actually a joyous occasion, meant to celebrate life. Instead of everything being dark and solemn, the holiday is bright and colourful. There are decorations, celebratory meals with family and friends, street parties and processions.

In homes, the centre of the festival is an altar. It is set on a colourful cloth and has candles to help the spirits make their way back to their family. The altar contains offerings or ofrenda (Spanish for offering) dedicated to the person being honoured. They are bright, colourful and ornate.

Offerings include photographs of the deceased, favourite items, symbols, food and drink. These are believed to encourage visits from those departed. Ofrendas are also in schools, offices and public parks or squares.

While many would assume a festival called Day of the Dead to be sombre, it’s actually a joyous occasion, meant to celebrate life

Visiting cemeteries is another Day of the Dead tradition. Families will clean and decorate the graves of loved ones. They will bring flowers, marigolds being very traditional, light candles and take along items associated with the person. Some families have a meal alongside the graves of their relatives, while sharing stories and memories.

It has also been described as a family reunion, where the dead ancestors are the guests of honour.

It is a joyful time that helps people remember the deceased and celebrate their memory.

When I first heard of this, I simply didn’t understand it. It sounded too much like a party and I felt it was a little disrespectful. I also didn’t really get setting up a colourful altar in the house.

But a few years ago my son James and daughter-in-law Natalie were living in Mexico and they helped me see the festival in a different light.

For example, for his granny, James had a book, a packet of biscuits, knitting needles and flowers. All very appropriate symbols of her life. The more I learned about Day of the Dead, the more I grew to like the idea.

In a way we already had elements of it. I have been to wakes where great stories were told and laughter shared. Cemetery Sunday is also a time we clean and decorate graves, though I definitely can’t see us having a family meal there.

We all have our own way of remembering those we have loved and lost.

November is, for our family, the month we lost John, my husband, in 2010. As a family we are scattered all over the world, so we all meet on a Zoom call on the day of the anniversary. We use this time together to remember him.

There will be lots of sentences that start with “do you remember when Dad did...”or “that time he said...”. We smile and laugh, while missing him in our lives. But we also celebrate his life and his legacy, and his wicked sense of humour. We speak of the times we had together and also of times we have missed him in the last 14 years.

We will never forget our dead, as long as we still speak their name.