Dear Miriam,

Our daughter is making her first communion in May and I feel there is a lot of pressure to have a big party with catering, a bouncy castle, etc. But to be perfectly honest, the thought of having to feed and entertain a big crowd at home just fills me with dread.

I work full time and my husband is flat out on the farm at this time of year, so it will be hard enough to get everyone dressed and out the door to the church on the morning of the communion, not to mind finding the time to have the house cleaned from top to bottom, the garden tidied up, food prepared or ordered in, back-up entertainment for the children if it rains, etc.

It just seems like so much extra effort that has nothing at all to do with what the actual communion day is really about, but I’m afraid that my daughter will feel like she is missing out or that the extended family will be put out if they are not invited back to the house after the mass.

Should I go with my gut and do something different or just grin and bear it?

Stressed-Out Mother

Dear Stressed-Out Mother,

Thank you for your letter. I think that if the thought of entertaining at home is causing you this much anxiety, you should go with your gut and find a more relaxed way to mark the day. To be honest, I sometimes think these parties can be more for the adults than the children – even if there is a bouncy castle involved!

If you have a bit of a budget for the occasion, the most straightforward thing might be to book lunch somewhere for your immediate family and those who you will be inviting to the communion mass. That way, you would not be under pressure to invite all the extended family, friends and neighbours you might otherwise feel obliged to ask over if you were doing something at home.

But I think the focus of the day should be on doing something special with your daughter and not worrying what other people think.

It could be a trip to somewhere like Fota Wildlife Park or to the cinema or bowling, whatever it is that your daughter would really enjoy and will allow you to spend quality time together as a family. Because – to be perfectly honest – I think a lot of people would be secretly relieved to get off the hook when it comes to attending a communion party. If you really wanted, though, you could always do something simple the next day, such as invite people around for tea and cake, but nothing fancy.

I hope this has been of some help and wish you all a wonderful day.

A Reader Writes

Dear Miriam,

As a long-time reader of the Irish Farmers Journal, especially the magazine section, I felt compelled to write in response to last week’s letter (“Should I voice my disapproval of my grandchildren missing school for a holiday?”)

As a mother of two babies and married to a busy farmer, finding quality family time is always an issue in our house, but one we are working on with a week in Spain booked. I appreciate the grandmother’s concerns, but in today’s mad world, where it is hard to maintain a happy marriage and family life, I think this lady should be revelling in the fact that her son’s family are a happy unit that can prioritise time for each other.

Wonderful family memories will be created and her grandchildren will learn the value of this and instil it in their lives as they go forward. My own father worked every day and was a wonderful provider and father, but never had time to go anywhere with us. He is now 70, in bad health and wishes he could change this, but the time is gone.

Instead of sweating about the week of school they miss, have some holiday money for them to spend on ice cream and crazy golf. Give them a massive hug and be proud of yourself and your son for the good dad he is and the happy family that’s been created.

Regular Reader