I’ve done it, your attention is mine.

You’re thinking: “Good god, what’s this? Such claims usually lurk in the murky depths at the bottom of an internet browser page.”

“Click me, click me. You’ll have a six-pack in 15 minutes if you click me.”

Sensationalism is bread and butter for many news outlets. They light a roaring fire with an eye-popping headline and then slowly extinguish the flames with dreary inches of jargon that tell us nothing. The initial statement has an element of truth to it, which the author then milks so hard that the teats are chafing.

My claim is 100% accurate, however. How do you increase growth rates by 20% overnight? Just weigh your cattle with full bellies.

Below is a snippet of data from a grazing study with top-quality yearling bulls. Animals were turned out on the 9 April. Two months later, a liveweight was taken as they moved from a well-grazed paddock to a fresh one.

The following day we weighed them again, this time with full bellies. Growth rate is calculated using both figures. Remember, although such an animal eats 8-10kg of grass daily, 80% of grass is water.

Hence, to eat 10kg of dry matter, they must eat 50kg of fresh grass. Grass also takes days to work through an animal’s system. In most instances, “gut-fill” can and does account for quite a percentage of body weight.

What a difference a day makes

My claim was noteworthy, but while the back-up was feeble, it carried an element of truth.

Many of the commentary pieces on the WHO report released this week use the same tactic. “Regular consumption of processed meat increases risk of colorectal cancer by 18%.”

Quite a revelation to make. What of the absolute figures? This risk-increase equates to just 0.12% – insignificant in an already health-conscious society. Perhaps worse is that high-end cuts of beef and pork are being thrown unceremoniously into the same pot as a €1 pack of sausages by lazy reporting.

Already I’ve heard the term “cancer-beef” coined. What will happen? Undoubtedly some will temporarily switch allegiances away from red meat, which is quite easy for a consumer to do.

Then, as excuses to return to red meat are sought after, comfort will be found with education – the absolute figures are minuscule.

Easy for them to chop and change – how easy for a farmer? Common sense please.