I don’t know where to turn, as I’m being backed into a corner this Christmas and I want to scream.

My brother and his family are coming over from France for a week and because we moved into a new house earlier this year, my mother has decided they can stay with us because we have the room.

However, I don’t get on with my brother, and never have. He bullied me throughout our childhood and I only got peace when he moved away for college and never came home.

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When he announced he was coming home this year, I thought I’d only have to put up with him at dinner in my Mam’s but now I have to face him every day for a week.

I know we aren’t children anymore but I am dreading having to host someone who has always made me feel uncomfortable. His wife is a lovely lady, who I only really spent time with around their wedding, but she was warm and friendly and I have no issue with her. They have a new baby so my only hope is that becoming a father has changed him for the better.

I was really looking forward to our first Christmas in the new house but now I can’t wait for it to be over.

Have you any advice on how I get through the next week because I haven’t even told my husband how badly this is affecting me, I’m that ashamed of the situation.

Katie, Co Cork

Dear reader,

Your letter, which I have only published partially here, is full of anxiety and, dare I say, fear about the impending arrival of your brother.

You have no need to feel shame if spending time in his company makes you feel uncomfortable. His presence obviously triggers difficult memories for you, which you shouldn’t have to experience in the safety of your own home.

However, it sounds like the person you need to speak to about this is your mother. She has no right to decide who you invite into your home at any time of the year, let alone Christmas. Your brother is coming home to his family, not you specifically, so it is perfectly reasonable for him to stay with your mother, who I have to say I am surprised is willing to let him stay anywhere other than under her roof.

My advice, as always, is to sit down and tell your mother that you’re not prepared to sacrifice your own peace this Christmas to keep everyone else happy.

As you say, you aren’t children anymore and now that you’re an adult you have found your voice and you are putting a boundary in place for when your brother is home. You want to enjoy your first Christmas in your new home with your husband and you don’t feel that will be possible if you are entertaining guests, one of whom makes you uncomfortable.

My advice, as always, is to sit down and tell your mother that you’re not prepared to sacrifice your own peace this Christmas to keep everyone else happy

If such honesty is not an option, you can always use the line that you would imagine your brother would much rather he and his child spend as much time as possible with their mother and grandmother, which would be easier to achieve if they stayed with her.

Better still if you can talk her around and make it sound like this is her idea.

Do you have a problem you would like to share? If so, write in confidence to: Dear Miriam, Agony Aunt, Irish Country Living, Irish Farmers Journal, Irish Farm Centre, Bluebell, Dublin 12, or email miriam@farmersjournal.ie