This is a subscriber-only article
Once I enter into November, my mood starts to fall. For me it is lack of daylight and the sheer dread of Christmas.
I work full-time in retail. It can be so demanding at the best of times, but I get very overwhelmed by Christmas. I’m just so exhausted by the time that Christmas arrives that I just can’t enjoy it. I generally only have the one day off and if I don’t work Stephen’s Day, I have to work New Year’s Day and vice versa.
It can be tough going as I am running a house, car and paying for residential care by myself. I also find Christmas very sad as I am only a person in my late 30s. I find myself getting very emotional and missing loved ones who are now deceased. Whereas new year doesn’t affect me at all. My mood tends to lift in early January.
When I get holidays during the year from work, I never get to go away on holidays. I am single and some of my friends are married with children and never want even a few nights away with me. I end up staying at home cooking for the men as I grew up on a farm and my mum is in residential care, so I feel my dad thinks I am there to replace my mum.
I went to the health shop last year to get supplements to help me relax, but they were not effective. I was crying every day going to work. I tend to always give and never ask for presents in return because I don’t believe in being greedy.
I find it hard to even get out for a walk. Can you give me some suggestions to help me cope with Christmas?
Distressed retail worker
Thank you for your letter. One line stands out: “I tend to always give and never ask for presents in return.” I think, however, that applies to much more than gifts. You give your all to your job, your family; your friends; and never ask for anything in return. It is time now to put yourself first.
You mention that you tried supplements last year, but I think it would be a good idea to see your GP and explain how the change in season affects your mood, as well as the stress of Christmas. He/she should be able to advise on how to best support yourself, whether that is with lifestyle, medication or perhaps by connecting with a counsellor. It can be really helpful to have a safe space to get things off your chest and come up with an action plan to make small changes to help you feel better e.g. tips to deal with stress, self-care strategies and goal- setting, whether that is working towards taking a holiday next year or perhaps even a career change in time.
You mention you are paying for residential care by yourself, but it seems you have other family members; can this be shared more equally? I understand that your father has needs, but you are entitled to live your own life too. Could a rota be set up with other siblings, could food be bought in, could he avail of Meals on Wheels etc? Of course, change is challenging- both for yourself and those around you- but again, a counsellor would be a great help in supporting you here.
The festive stress in work sounds exhausting. Has your employer any sort of HR/employee assistance programme that you could access for support? If not, are there little things you can do for yourself, to mind yourself, every day? For instance, can you be strict about taking your lunch break so that you get your walk in and get a breather from the shop? Or pick one or two nights a week where you treat yourself to something you really enjoy, whether it’s the cinema or a lovely bath? Also, if friends can’t go on holidays, perhaps if you open up to a trusted few about how you feel, you will be able to spend quality time together in other ways e.g. going for afternoon tea, getting a takeaway etc.
Regarding Christmas specifically, try not to take on the role of doing everything for your family. Make a plan to share the work, order in the turkey/ham and sides and keep things as simple as possible. It’s just one day; feel free to do things your way.
Christmas will come and go and the long, bright days will return. But start taking little steps to look after yourself now. I truly wish you the very best.
SHARING OPTIONS: