My sister and I had a conversation the other day about what might happen if the schools do not reopen properly in September. We agreed that parents will go mad. This is not to say that mums and dads don’t love their children and don’t want to spend time with them. The way we are living is not normal or healthy but yet it is necessary. Mum needs her space to do the shopping! Oh dear, she might now be doing the shopping on the computer. Nevertheless, she still needs space. Houses can seem very small with the children around and the young adults working from home. Teenagers are frustrated and only want to be with their peer group. It’s a tough dynamic for mums to manage. The lack of interaction with people and places is taking its toll on mental health.

The one positive is that our habits of hand hygiene, cough etiquette and wearing masks where necessary will help to keep us safe

I find that I am quite content to be away from it all and that’s not good for my wellbeing. My daughter Julie agrees with me. She’s also finding it difficult to break out and go places. She is nervous of her son Ricky picking up anything. We are still at just as much risk of getting COVID-19 as we were in March. The one positive is that our habits of hand hygiene, cough etiquette and wearing masks where necessary will help to keep us safe. In the last two weeks I’ve embraced the mask full-on when I go out to my appointments. It’s awkward and kills that all important smile. Still, if it keeps a second wave of COVID-19 at bay; it will be worth it.

Dads step up

In some families, Dad has taken on the shopping role. My husband Tim has taken on this role with gusto. I’m telling him that he is welcome to continue the job. That’s not going down well.

Dad needs his space too. Some can play golf again but those men that love the GAA and the club matches, are still in withdrawal. The news that Phase 4 of the national exit from lockdown is paused until at least 10 August has hit sporting activities hard.

Our female discussions about feelings, hair colours, nice places to go, family situations or a quick dinner may also seem trivial

Imagine having to get a ticket for a club or underage match or just having to stay away because you know the numbers will be to many. Then there are the men who love to have a pint with their mates and have deep intellectual discussions which very often sound like drivel when relayed to the partner at home.

Likewise, our female discussions about feelings, hair colours, nice places to go, family situations or a quick dinner may also seem trivial. Then there’s the story about the latest death, tragedy or illness diagnosed in the parish. It’s all normal. We are firstly social beings. We need social activity. We need to meet each other and look into each other’s eyes and see how we really are.

Phone conversations and text messages are lovely and do serve to keep us in touch and get business done but they don’t do much for keeping that relationship alive.

But just imagine that friend embracing you in a bear hug and giving that tight squeeze of solidarity and understanding

Don’t misunderstand me, phones are hugely valuable for nurturing friendship and keeping in touch and sometimes there is that opportunity to say to someone or the group chat. “Hi, I’m not OK. This has happened in my life and I need your support.” Invariably that support comes in spades. You read it and even read it again and again to draw strength from the words.

But just imagine that friend embracing you in a bear hug and giving that tight squeeze of solidarity and understanding. Just as a picture paints 1,000 words, a hug conveys mood, friendship, empathy, sympathy and most of all love.

Mental stability

I love my extended family on both sides and don’t know what I’d do without them but I cherish my friends both near and far. The advice from experts is to work at feeling a little less alone to improve our mental health. How exactly do people do that in this post-COVID-19 reality? Huge strength and resilience is required to keep our mental equilibrium intact.

Family has become front-and-centre of our lives. If one member is down or ill, it pulls the other members down. But if one member is happy and upbeat; then it has the effect of pulling everyone up. That’s my goal for now; to try to be that person. I guess that’s family leadership.