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I have been writing this Desperate Farmwife column for seven years. This is very hard to believe. I know it’s not a proper milestone, like a full decade, but I have been thinking about my earlier articles a lot, lately, because I recently turned 40.
I recall the first Desperate Farmwife column I ever wrote for Irish Country Living. It was all about turning 33 – how I felt too old to be out clubbing with my younger in-laws, but was still much younger than most of the mothers in my children’s playgroups. I didn’t quite fit in there, either.
Now, officially 40, I feel like I have arrived. I have never felt more comfortable in my own skin. My children are older and more independent (a little too independent, but I digress).
The things that my dear aul’ husband would do when the kids were little, that would annoy the bejeezus out of me, don’t bother me as much anymore.
He and I are starting to talk about doing things for ourselves again – like taking weekends away, or turning one of the old sheds into a home gym.
My eldest has taken to baking cakes and while the ‘cleaning up’ element isn’t quite there yet, we are all otherwise enjoying the fruits of her labours. On Friday evenings, the whole family likes to lounge on the couch together and watch a film (last Friday, it was Field of Dreams – talk about a throwback). Forget the days of FOMO (fear of missing out). Now, I am more afraid of being invited to go out.
What is it about 40 which makes one feel so confident? I can’t speak to anyone else’s experience, but this past year I have been making healthy life decisions for myself.
If anything, by setting personal boundaries and focusing on the joy in my life, I am attracting more positivity
I have let go of toxic friendships and even toxic family relationships. I started prioritising my children and my health over work. I started putting a little more effort into my marriage (he does deserve it, sometimes) and am taking more time to meet my friends for coffee and chats. I feel… good.
The things I worried about in the past – mainly how, if I took a step back from my many responsibilities, that people would forget about me – should never have been worries.
If anything, by setting personal boundaries and focusing on the joy in my life, I am attracting more positivity. I have gotten great opportunities this past year, both on a personal and professional level.
I suppose this is the law of attraction or… what are they calling it these days? Oh yes… “manifesting.” Apparently, if you set your intentions on specific goals, you will reach them partly through that positive outlook.
I’m not sure about all that lark, but I will say it has been a good year personally and in my off-farm profession.
On-farm is a different story. We didn’t have a great 2023, and who knows what 2025 holds for us? Do you think I can manifest another “all clear” TB test, a decent milk price, silage without any break-downs (mechanical or otherwise) and a smooth calving season? I am going to devote five minutes each evening focusing my attention on those things and will let you know what happens.
If you’re wondering why on earth I am less complain-ey than usual, I honestly don’t know myself. This is the busiest time of year for me.
While my husband is winding down for 2024 and looking forward to a nice, long break, I am stressed and have an overloaded task list. Now, I am still the same shouty, cranky, nagging Mammy I have always been, but for some reason, I am, on the whole, feeling pretty zen-like.
I guess this is 40.
But what will the year bring? I spent the last 12 months or so working hard setting these boundaries and reaping the benefits of finding joy in my everyday life. I am going to try to continue to do this, but I also wonder – should I go a step further? Maybe I should set a goal for myself to reach by the time I am 41. I think I will try and run a 10k.
You heard it here first. Now that it’s on paper, I need to push myself to do it. Watch this space!
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