Last week, my husband and I had our 20-week anatomy scan at the maternity hospital. Well, I should say that I had the scan, as due to COVID-19 restrictions, he had to wait in the car.

For many people, this is the halfway point where they might choose to find out their baby’s gender; or at least get a cute picture. For us, however, it had a whole other significance. Because it was at this scan last year that we discovered that our first baby, Danann, was facing serious challenges. A week later, he was diagnosed with Edwards’ Syndrome. This meant that it was very likely that we would lose Danann during pregnancy, labour or shortly after birth.

While trying to come to terms with this news, I did the only thing I really knew: I tried to tell Danann’s story. It was very important to me that our little boy did not become his diagnosis. I wanted people to see him as we did: as a special boy who – despite facing more challenges than most of us could even contemplate – was still fighting. As a special boy who brought us so much joy, despite the pain that we were likely to lose him. As a special boy who changed our lives forever, for the better, despite the fact that our time together was going to be too short.

Danann battled bravely to reach 38 weeks, but was born sleeping on 19 October. If you would like to read more about him, I’ve shared our journey in the latest edition of our sister publication, Irish Country Magazine, which is out this week.

I think I realised early on that a journey like ours is not often openly spoken of; and the immense power it can have when a person chooses to share. When it comes to motherhood, there seems to be one narrative. When you fall off the projected pathway, it can feel like there is no place for you.

That’s why I think that Tracey Kennedy’s reflection on her decision to be child-free in this week’s edition is well worth reading. I know from covering this topic myself in the past that so many women who make this decision are often faced with the most insensitive comments. “Oh, you’ll regret it!” is a regular declaration. Yet, who would dare ask a mother if she regretted having her children? Women today are told we can be or do whatever we want; yet if you pick a road less travelled when it comes to family, it seems that certain people feel free to judge.

Speaking of taboo topics when it comes to motherhood, Margaret Hawkins has a vital article on women’s health after pregnancy this week. Again, issues like incontinence, pelvic pain, depression or anxiety after childbirth are not often spoken about, but it’s very important that women know that there is help available and that they should not suffer in silence.

Thankfully, we got good news at our scan – despite a camera-shy baby – and are looking forward to the next chapter in our family journey. But Danann will always be part of our story. I’ll never stop telling it.

Read more

‘I thought I had every nook and cranny of the country conquered at this stage’

Pregnancy loss during the COVID-19 pandemic