I’m very worried about my father. He retired from a job in the agricultural sector during COVID-19 and is now socially isolated. He seems to have accepted that his days consist of watching TV and doing very little else in the evenings.

He has fallen into a major rut and lost all confidence in relation to getting out and about or being involved in the community. Prior to his retirement, he went to a local pub a couple of nights a week to play cards. Unfortunately, that pub closed during the pandemic and has not reopened. The nearest card game is a good drive away now, and he doesn’t seem willing to travel or even try it out.

When we suggest alternative social outlets for him or buy him tickets to a play or a music gig, he accuses myself and my siblings of interfering or making a fuss. There is always a row afterwards, and each time my father insists he is doing grand and there is nothing wrong with his life the way it is.

What can I and my brothers and sisters do to help?

Dear reader,

Thank you for getting in touch. I’m sure this is a big worry for you and your siblings. From your query, I take it your father is a relatively young man, and you don’t mention any health issues, so it’s important he stays connected with friends, family, and his community for the benefit of mental and physical health going forward.

It’s widely acknowledged by health professionals that social isolation and loneliness puts a person at risk of developing serious mental and physical health conditions down the line.

However, the good news is that there are things you can do to help your father.

The first thing I’d suggest is – instead of it coming from the family who he already thinks are interfering – perhaps approach someone in the community that could help.

You mention a card game. It’s worth asking around to those who play at the local game. One of them could invite him along and you could take turns driving at the start. If he enjoys it, the game could become a regular thing once a week and get him out of the rut he’s currently in.

Another suggestion is a local men’s shed or active retirement group. Maybe an organiser could personally invite your dad along, and he may take this approach better than from the family. It could help him build confidence and develop new habits – menssheds.ie.

Another that comes to mind is the Social Prescribing Network. You can get individual support from a social prescriber or link worker, they aim to connect people with community groups, organisations, and for practical and emotional support to improve their health and wellbeing – allirelandsocialprescribing.ie.

As you mentioned, he has lost confidence in relation to getting out and about, so while it is important to encourage him, I would also advise to tread softly. The situation has already resulted in rows and you don’t want him to feel backed into a corner. So be sure to listen to his views and try to take it at his pace. Best of luck.

Do you have a problem you would like to share? If so, write in confidence to: Dear Miriam, Agony Aunt, Irish Country Living, Irish Farmers Journal, Irish Farm Centre, Bluebell, Dublin 12, or email miriam@farmersjournal.ie