Dear Miriam,

I recently celebrated a significant ''roundy'' birthday. Though “celebrated” is not really the word, as my husband did not mark the occasion at all. No gift, no card, not even an acknowledgment.

I waited all day patiently, in the hope he might have planned some surprise. It was only when my daughter rang from Canada to wish me a happy birthday that he realised what date it was.

He suggested a takeaway, so that I didn’t have to cook. And that was the size of it.

Miriam, I know there are terrible things going on in the world right now. This problem is so small in comparison. But it just made me feel so sad and that I didn’t really matter. It’s not that I wanted anything extravagant.

It just would have meant a lot if he had put a little thought into the day, or made an effort after realising his mistake.

Am I over-reacting? I would appreciate your advice?

Dear reader,

I’m sorry the lack of celebrations for your significant birthday has left you feeling down.

I don’t believe you are over-reacting in your response to your husband’s thoughtlessness, but many men don’t attach the same significance to birthdays and anniversaries as us ladies would like and that is just a sad fact of life, I’m afraid.

You mention that your daughter phoned from Canada to wish you a happy birthday and I wondered if this meant you and your husband are now living alone, with your children reared?

If this is the case, then it is hardly surprising you expected some effort or acknowledgement of your special day.

In your husband’s defence, life can be very busy, with key dates often slipping the minds of the most organised and considerate spouses. However, his lack of effort when he realised his mistake must have been a further blow to your hopes of a little fuss and attention.

Your feelings are valid and your disappointment in his failure to mark your big birthday is completely understandable.

I don’t believe you are over-reacting, many men don’t attach the same significance to birthdays and anniversaries

It would be worth sitting down with your husband to explain how you feel about this, in a calm manner that isn’t accusatory. It might make him more conscious of your feelings around birthday celebrations and it could help you move on from the disappointment.

What’s important now is not dwelling on what has happened. Use the experience to inform how you deal with your feelings going forward.

You will have another birthday next year, and the experience of this year will have taught you that if you want a nice present and a celebration on the day, you’re going to have to prompt your husband in the days and weeks leading up to your birthday.

If he’s not a man for marking special days, perhaps you could organise something special with a friend or relative so that you get to celebrate your birthday regardless of him playing his part.

You don’t even have to wait a whole year for such pampering. You could organise a belated birthday present for yourself where you take a day to do something just for you, whether that is a pampering session or an overnight hotel stay.

Enlist a friend and away you go. Happy birthday by the way. You’re another year wiser and I wish you health and happiness.