There was a time, not very long ago, when you had to pay for all your own clothes. For most farmers, this constituted a major expense, as we get through work clothes as a baby gets through nappies.
Coats get destroyed with grease and muck and jeans get ripped to shreds like when your arse gets stuck between the tractor wheel and fertiliser spreader.
You can’t be going around looking like that
While it’s seemingly OK for my three daughters to waltz around in strategically ripped jeans – and even go partying in them – it meets with a look of disapproval from Mrs P when my torn jeans look the same.
“You can’t be going around looking like that,” she’d say, with her irritation barely concealed, “people will think you’re homeless.”
“I’m only going into Alfco,” I’d respond, “I’m not going to sleep outside it.”
“Doesn’t matter, you’re still a disgrace,” responds Mrs P with a smile spreading across her face.
There’s so much free clothing to be had nowadays
So the offending coat comes off, a smart new Drummonds gilet goes on and I’m free to go anywhere.
Which is precisely the point I wish to make. There’s so much free clothing to be had nowadays. I don’t mean secondhand stuff like at a clothes bank, but branded promotional clothing like from Yara or BASF or whoever. Of course, it’s not really free but it’s great nonetheless.
I’ll never have to buy another beanie (Marksville Farms, McNamara Feeds and a dozen other suppliers) or fleece, jacket and coat (Claas, Fendt, Horsch, etc).
But my new favourite is the BASF-branded Schoffel gilet, which is really posh.
It’s crazy money for what’s just a leather-trimmed sleeveless jacket
You’d see the horsey set in them or on big Quadtrac-owning English farmers. Max got one for me under circumstances he wasn’t prepared to disclose, but if you had to buy it, it costs over €150. It’s crazy money for what’s just a leather-trimmed sleeveless jacket.
But it exudes class and I’m keeping it for summer Sundays, flying around like a prat in the little MX-5, pretending I own a Quadtrac.
One day on their website, I saw a cool Friesiany-cow black and white Lely beanie
Businesses like FarmWardrobe.com, who do this branded clothing, must be having a ball.
One day on their website, I saw a cool Friesiany-cow black and white Lely beanie. But at €150,000 for a robotic milker, they’re too expensive for me. It’s not worth it for a beanie – I don’t want the robot.
However, the beanie/gilet/jacket market is now overdone. Even in a hoor of a year like this, there’s not enough wet and cold days to wear them all. New branded clothing ideas are needed now, like a discreetly Fendt-branded Magee green and grey pin-striped suit for weddings and funerals.
Branded jeans and matching boxers could also be the next big thing
You’d be due something smart and classy after spending enough money to buy a small country.
Branded jeans and matching boxers could also be the next big thing. But, I hear you say, there shouldn’t be a lot of advertising to be had from a pair of boxers.
With hindsight, you never know who might see you with your (branded) trousers down if you have to go alfresco at the back of a hedge someday when you’re busy sowing. It could even go viral.
I had to buy a new Pottinger five-furrow plough to get my hands on their branded hoodie
Speaking of which, we’re still a long way off from sowing. I’m not hugely worried yet, but I’d love to see it begin to dry up, not least for ploughing and sowing the beans. I had to buy a new Pottinger five-furrow plough to get my hands on their branded hoodie.
Mrs P couldn’t care less about the plough, but she thinks the hoodie is too jazzy and youthful for me. It’s fine, it matches my flashy green glasses (I had to pay for them – €2 in Lidl.)
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