Dear Miriam,

My son has his First Holy Communion in June. He goes to a pretty large school and there are a lot of kids for the sacrament.

Last week at the First Confession, the parish priest told us that only parents and siblings were going to be allowed to attend the ceremony to avoid the church being packed as there is still COVID-19 around. This made sense to me and my family were OK with meeting up for a celebration after and hopefully watching a livestream, which the school and church are working toward.

My husband wants to “let her off”, but my mam and dad are quite religious and I don’t know how I can tell them to stay away and just let her do what she wants

However, when my husband told his mother, she said that was absolute rubbish, that she had missed two communions with COVID and she was not missing another one and who would stop her going into the church? My husband wants to “let her off”, but my mam and dad are quite religious and I don’t know how I can tell them to stay away and just let her do what she wants. Any advice?

Stressed Mam, Galway.

P.S My husband avoids confrontation at all costs, particularly with his mother.

If your parents are on board with watching the livestream of the service, perhaps one of them could reach out to her and ask her if she wants to join them

Dear Stressed Mam,

I feel for you! With all the uncertainty over communions and confirmations since COVID-19 hit, I’m sure all you want is for your child to have their special day, and not to have to deal with any additional drama.

Technically, I suppose nobody can actually stop your mother-in-law from going into the church; but I can’t imagine it will be very rewarding for her to have to sneak in and sit at the back, away from the rest of you.

If your parents are on board with watching the livestream of the service, perhaps one of them could reach out to her and ask her if she wants to join them at their home to watch it there and make a morning of it? If she sees that they are happy to respect the request to stay away, maybe she might be less inclined to try to attend?

Bluster is all well and good; until you find you are the only one going against what is quite a reasonable request

Bluster is all well and good; until you find you are the only one going against what is quite a reasonable request considering the level of COVID-19 in the community.

If your husband wanted to try to talk to her again, he could perhaps take the tack that it might not be very safe for her to attend a crowded indoor event and ask her to re-consider her decision. After all, she will still be part of the celebrations and there will be less stress all round if she goes with the plan.

As for your parents, I understand why you feel they might be upset if you ask them not to attend and then the other grandmother turns up regardless. But I’m sure they know that the request to stay away is coming from the parish priest-not from you- and going against it would only cause needless upset on what should be a special day where the child is the focus, not what their grandmother wants!

She is an adult and responsible for her own choices; you can’t be expected to take ownership of that

But at the end of the day, it’s not on them, or on you, or even your husband, to get her to co-operate. She has been made aware of the request and there is not much more you can really do after that. She is an adult and responsible for her own choices; you can’t be expected to take ownership of that. So concentrate instead on what you can control: having a special ceremony with your son and a lovely celebration afterwards with the wider family. I hope you have a great day and wish you all the best of luck.

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