Question: My brother’s wife is driving me daft about our sons starting in the same school next September.

My nephew is the first- born in that house – but I have an older daughter who has been in this particular school for two years and she’s getting on great. But my sister-in-law has decided we should send our sons to another school, which is a 20-minute drive further away and makes no sense whatsoever. The boys are in preschool together and are very close – there’s only three months between them – but I’m not going to send my fella to a school just because it suits her.

She’s now saying this school is known for bullying – which has never come across our radar over the past two years. She’s also saying the principal is hard to get on with. I can’t say I’ve had many dealings with him but, on the odd occasion we have spoken he seems very pleasant.

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I’ve tried to explain that she should send her son to whichever school is best for him – as well as the whole family – and that going to different schools won’t mean the boys lose contact.

My husband won’t get involved as he says it’s a ridiculous situation and she will calm down. Which is easy for him to say when he’s not getting texts and calls.

I know I need to put a stop to the madness but she just isn’t listening.

– A frustrated mother, Co Carlow

Dear reader,

Sending a child to school for the first time is such an emotional experience for a parent, as I’m sure you will remember from when your daughter had her first day in primary school.

You say your son and your nephew are very close, and having gone through the preschool phase together, there is an argument for allowing them to continue into primary school side-by-side.

Your letter doesn’t say how close you live to your brother and his family but I am assuming that due to the fact they attend the same preschool, the distance isn’t too great. If I’m correct, then the boy’s friendship won’t be altered too much if they end up in different primary schools

However, one of the most important parts of early education is the ability for children to learn how to build relationships with their peers, which may be compromised if the boys are being conditioned to believe they are ‘best friends’ at such an early age.

I can understand your sister-in-law’s preference for them to go to the same school. What is less clear is why she isn’t giving any credence to your experience of the school her niece is attending. But this is a decision for her to make, and she has no right to pressure you into disrupting your family’s routine, just to fit in with her expectations.

Your letter doesn’t say how close you live to your brother and his family but I am assuming that due to the fact they attend the same preschool, the distance isn’t too great. If I’m correct, then the boy’s friendship won’t be altered too much if they end up in different primary schools.

Either way, I would have one final face- to-face conversation with your sister-in-law to make it very clear that your son will be attending the same school as his sister in September, and if she chooses to send her son elsewhere, you hope that he will be as happy and settled as your daughter has been since her first day in school. Be firm but friendly in your manner.

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