In response to a recent letter from a newly wed struggling to entertain too many visitors while her husband is busy on the farm (“I have lovely neighbours but they call every night!”), two readers have been in touch to share their take on the situation.

“Slowly make changes to break this

nice but unsustainable situation”

Hi Miriam,

I enjoy your column every week, which provides for a variety of real problems, especially within the farming community and, in particular, relationships. I am a dairy farmer myself but, as my wife-to-be says, I’m in touch with my feminine side!

Anyway, I read with interest about the newly wed girl who has “lovely” neighbours calling every night. I see a few issues here and if something doesn’t change, the marriage will suffer in the long term. It’s great that she probably realises this and is looking for advice on how to resolve it.

The first comment I would make is that I think this lady is too nice herself. She needs to have a chat with her husband about all of this and I’m sure as he is a “wonderful and kind farmer” he will understand her concerns.

But where is the quality time for the newly married couple? She needs to ask her husband why it’s necessary to be working flat out every evening until late. Is he badly organised? Too much on his hands? Over expansion?

As a farmer, I know only too well how one can get too caught up in work. But with proper planning etc, I am well able to have down time to spend with my partner and enjoy hobbies. So this needs to change because, at the moment, it seems that he comes back late and spends the rest of the night with the neighbours. No way girl!

So then, how to deal with the neighbours. How about getting a hobby which gets you/ye away from the house some nights? Therefore the door is locked when the neighbours call. Go for a walk. Meet a friend. Join a class, whatever. In order not to come across mean, tell them in advance that you won’t be around on such a night because etc. Slowly make little changes to break this nice but unsustainable situation.

While I understand that these neighbours may not have another outlet, it’s not your responsibility. Your husband and your marriage is.

All the best,

Dairy Farmer

“There are very few of these houses

left – everyone is so busy”

Dear Miriam,

I enjoy the Irish Farmers Journal every week. I am writing in about the woman and her three male callers when she is home from work. I am married well over 50 years and on a farm where things were not like today. I had an old brother and sister who called: one on a Monday night and the man on a Saturday night. During the week, other men called.

When the children came, if we had to go to a wake, this man stayed in the house until we came home. This middle-of-the-week man loved the children and gave them sweets. These men and woman did not have family and they just loved to chat about the weather, cattle etc.

I see in the Irish Farmers Journal about the Men’s Sheds – talk to your husband about going to one or get one started for one evening a week. It would give you a break.

I have a brother on his own – he is a farmer and cattle man. On Sundays he has the house full with these kind of men. They have no women to go to. He makes a big pot of rice for them. My mother used to do the same. There are very few of these houses left – everyone is so busy.

Think about it – I am an old woman now and it is no joke.

Bye for now,

Regular Reader CL