There are many ways of expressing your love and devotion on St Valentine’s Day but landing a tonne of horse manure in the back yard is surely the strangest The Dealer has ever encountered.

However, an email your humble scribe received recently from the innovative Irish garden supply firm Quickcrop extolled the merits of such a gift.

“Nothing says Valentine’s Day like a big bag of horse manure,” the email proclaimed.

“Unlike the usual unimaginative dross, a bag of horse manure is the gift that keeps on giving,” the writer maintained.

“Why shell out on a bunch of flowers that last a few days when you can enrich your loved one’s soil and provide flowers or vegetables for years to come? It’s a no brainer.

“For the first tentative steps toward a new union, or for more casual relationships, a small 12kg bag may suffice,” my new email buddy explained.

“For longer-term couples or for partners who have a history of forgetting St Valentine’s Day, I think I would have to recommend the tonne bag,” the writer very boldly suggested.

Since suits of armour are not supplied with the bag of manure, I’ve reluctantly decided against the equine option and will go instead with the tried and trusted this Friday: two bottles of Clonmel chardonnay and a Chinese.

Love and passion are best kept simple.