Forty-four years ago my father lost all his cows after an outbreak of brucellosis.

I was only young at the time, but I remember the affect it had on him.

He was compensated for the loss of the cattle, but nobody ever asked him how he was coping.

At the time, the whole issue of depression carried a stigma

He started drinking a lot, and smoking. I realise now that he was suffering from depression. At the time, the whole issue of depression carried a stigma, and you were essentially told to man up and get a grip. He needed professional help, but none was ever offered to him.

Every cow had a name and its own particular stall in the byre

I remember my father was very attached all his cattle. He had cows that were 20 years of age and they had come with him when he moved from the Deerpark to Lisnavoe (where we now farm). Every cow had a name and its own particular stall in the byre.

With this sort of attachment to his cattle it wasn’t surprising that the loss of them hit him so hard. I don’t think that he ever let himself get as attached to all his cattle after that.

Sold

I have some friends who have recently sold out all their cows, and I just wonder how they were able to do it. I don’t think I could do the same.

I run my farm as a business, so if any cow steps out of line or doesn’t do what they are supposed to do, they are culled.

I try and look at the bigger picture and tell myself that they are not the right cows for me

That’s not always easy, but I try and look at the bigger picture and tell myself that they are not the right cows for me.

But at the same time, my spring-calving cows have just started calving, and it really brings home how attached to them that I am.

There is something really special about new life on the farm, whether it is calves or lambs, and especially at this time of year with the weather being so bad, new arrivals give you the lift that you need.

As long as everything is going well, it’s great, but there have been times when things go wrong, and I wonder why I put myself through such torture

I know that I’m only at the start of calving, and maybe I’m looking at it through rose-tinted glasses.

As long as everything is going well, it’s great, but there have been times when things go wrong, and I wonder why I put myself through such torture.

I try and not become too attached to my cows, but it’s not easy. I have three or four generations of breeding in my cows and I remember their mothers, grandmothers and even some of their great grandmothers.

I have got into the business of breeding everything to be a cow, and then selling the surplus in-calf heifers to other farmers

It’s not only this but I have bred them all myself using artificial insemination. If I’m honest, they are like part of the extended family.

I have got into the business of breeding everything to be a cow, and then selling the surplus in-calf heifers to other farmers, and this has worked well.

However, there is one big problem – I find it harder and harder every year to part with the heifers.

I have lots of customers for them, but I’m inclined to keep more than I have room for.

Part of the issue is that I have chosen the bull to suit the cow and then I want to keep them to see if my judgement is correct.

The boys are always on at me to sell more of the heifers, but I find it hard.

Attached

I am probably too attached to my cows, but maybe that’s in my nature. I definitely couldn’t have a clearance sale without it seriously affecting my mental health.

I have some understanding of what my father went through all those years ago, and I don’t think that I would be able to cope any better than he did.

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