Dear Miriam,

I’m hoping you can help me with a problem I’ve struggled with for years, which I have recently decided to do something about.

I turned 40 this year and I have never been happy with my body. I’m single, having had a few relationships down through the years, but nothing that lasted beyond six months.

I am the typical funny girl, who loves to make people laugh, but I don’t think anyone has ever taken me seriously as a potential life partner and it’s starting to get me down.

I’m also a larger lady, and while I’ve tried to convince myself that I am worth loving as I am, I’m coming to the conclusion that if I was to lose weight, I might attract someone into my life who would stay.

I’ve signed up to a weight-loss programme and am determined to shed two stone between now and Christmas in the hope that 2025 might bring a fresh start.

Can it really be that simple and how can I stick to a diet and exercise plan when I love my food and chilling on the couch most nights? My friends and family tell me I am loveable just the way I am but that’s easy for them to say when they’re all married with their own families

– A lonely Tipp lady

Dear reader,

The wish to be loved is one of our most fundamental human needs and I can appreciate how lonely life must seem at times, when all your friends and family are in relationships and appear to be living their best lives.

Those same friends and family clearly love you very much and are telling you the truth in that you don’t need to change who you are to attract a partner.

However, only you know how you feel and if adopting a healthier lifestyle can be reframed as a choice not solely aimed at finding love, then it could well be the path to more fulfilment.

Deciding to lose weight is rarely a bad idea, I know I regularly flirt with the notion, but like you, I also love my food and the comfort of my couch.

I would suggest that your new routine could include joining an exercise class or a walking group, as opposed to signing up to a gym membership. The key to any new habit is consistency and if you join a class or a group, the people involved will help to hold you accountable as you work toward your goals.

Working on loving yourself first and being truly happy in your own skin is the first step in attracting love into your life. I’m just not sure that aligning both goals so closely and definitively will lead to success in either as it will put you under too much pressure which could see both plans fail.

Also remember that in today’s world, it’s easy to get caught up in beauty standards and societal expectations. Everywhere we turn, there’s an image or a message telling us how we “should” look, especially on social media – these standards are not benchmarks for your self-worth, you are uniquely you. Most of us, at some point, have struggled with body image, so you are certainly not alone.

Wishing you the best of luck in your new health journey, which hopefully will bring other positive benefits into your life.

Do you have a problem you would like to share? If so, write in confidence to: Dear Miriam, Agony Aunt, Irish Country Living, Irish Farmers Journal, Irish Farm Centre, Bluebell, Dublin 12, or email miriam@farmersjournal.ie