This is a subscriber-only article
Dear Miriam,
I hope that you can help with a bit of a dilemma that I am facing. About 18 months ago, once COVID restrictions were relaxed, I decided it was time to do something for myself as I am a busy mother of three, I work part-time and I’m also living on a farm.
As a child, I loved music, so I decided that I would join a local choir that was looking for new members. They have been very welcoming and I’ve really enjoyed re-discovering my love of music and singing; even though I will never be a soloist! But for two hours a week, I get to switch off from everything else and get lost in the music. It’s been really good for me.
So, what is the issue, you might be asking at this stage? Well, a lot of the choir members are that bit older, including those on the committee. They are looking for new people to step up to run the choir and they have asked me if I would consider taking on the role of secretary, as I work in administration, so I have the skillset required.
Miriam, while I do believe in getting involved, the last thing I want – or need – is another job on my to-do list. I feel completely torn as I do want to give back in some way considering all I have gotten from being involved in the choir, but at the same time, I just don’t feel that I have it in me to take on this role right now while my kids are small and life is so intense.
Maybe I sound selfish. I know that these groups need new blood and volunteers to keep going. But I’m just trying to keep myself going at the moment.
How do I deal with this diplomatically?
Siobhan, Galway
Dear Siobhan,
Repeat the following: It’s OK to say no sometimes. It’s OK to say no.
It seems like being in the choir has given you a much-needed release from the pressures of family, work and farm life. Well done to you for recognising that you needed to take some time out for yourself, and for making that weekly commitment to your new hobby.
Of course, it is important to give back and, as you say, groups like choirs do rely on volunteers to thrive. However, I can imagine that the role of secretary is quite demanding and from your letter, it just does not seem that you have the space or time in your life for that additional responsibility right now.
That’s why I would urge you to put yourself first in this matter. You can explain that you are very honoured to have been considered for such an important role, but that with your young family etc, it is just not possible right now. Maybe it’s something you will be able to consider down the line once the children are that bit older. There is a time for everything. I just don’t feel that this is your time for this particular role.
That is not to say that there are not other ways to give back. Perhaps you would be happy to help the committee coming up to concerts when they need a few extra hands for the various jobs that can crop up, like putting up some posters for the event. But I would urge you not to over-extend yourself at the moment. You are already contributing to the choir by sharing your voice. That’s enough for the time being. There is little point in taking on too much, burning out and having to leave as a result.
I know it can be very difficult to say no; but you know that you are doing so for the right reasons. Take confidence from that. I wish you the best of luck and continued choral joy.
SHARING OPTIONS: