The ongoing housing crisis has led many young adults to remain in their family homes, sometimes feeling a sense of shame or embarrassment about their living situation. While the financial realities of the housing crisis are widely discussed, less often explored are the quieter ways it shapes everyday life. Sharing a home with parents well into adulthood can affect experiences many people associate with independence. This can range from dating and relationships to privacy and confidence.
As the chronic shortages and affordable accommodation continues, two young women who have moved home talk about the impact it has had on their relationships, sex lives and mental health.
Intimacy is a no-go unless my grandparents are away for the night or I book a hotel
*Rachel (32) from Co Offaly, moved back into the family home with her grandparents five years ago after the property she had been renting was sold by the landlord. At the time it felt like a temporary solution while she figured out her next step. Instead, the years have passed with little change in the rental landscape.
Searching for somewhere new quickly became a familiar cycle of viewings and disappointment. Securing a place, she explains, often feels less like a straightforward application process and more like a competition.
“Trying to rent somewhere feels like a popularity contest. You go to viewing after viewing for places you can barely afford and someone else always seems to get picked.”
Over time the practical realities of living at home have filtered into other parts of life. Rachel still dates but it looks different when you do not have a space of your own. Without that privacy, dates tend to happen outside the house. Even something as simple as spending time together requires planning.
“You always have to go out and spend money. There isn’t somewhere you can just relax together.”
Those early conversations about living arrangements can also carry a weight she did not expect. While many people she meets are in a similar position, explaining that she lives at home can sometimes feel uncomfortable.
“A lot of people say ‘same’ when you tell them you’re living at home,” she says, “though there are still moments where it feels as though the situation carries an unspoken judgement.”
Life inside the house brings its own adjustments. Privacy can be difficult to maintain in a busy family home, particularly when habits built over years of living together are slow to change.
Up until recently, Rachel says, family members would walk into her room without knocking. It was something she eventually had to address.
“They’d say it’s my house; I can go where I want. Thankfully I’ve gotten through to them that they need to knock.”
Even small routines can echo a stage of life she thought she had moved beyond years ago.
“I still have to tell them where I’m going, when I’ll be back and message if I’m not coming home,” she says. “For a woman in her 30s, it can sometimes feel like I’m 18 again.”
The lack of personal space also affects relationships in ways that are rarely spoken about openly.
“Intimacy is a no-go unless my grandparents are away for the night or I book a hotel.”
Rachel says she is grateful to have a supportive family and somewhere to live, but that gratitude does not always remove the emotional weight of the situation. Watching friends move into their own homes or reach milestones that once felt inevitable can bring uncomfortable comparisons.
“To be living at home in my 30s makes me feel like a failure sometimes.”
The experience can leave her feeling caught somewhere between two stages of life.
“I feel like I’m constantly in limbo. I know I’m an adult, but I don’t have the adult things in life that people my age seem to have.”
Living in that space between independence and dependence can take its toll in less obvious ways.
At one point Rachel noticed she was looking forward to a drink at the end of the day more than she would like.
“I’d find myself in work thinking about the glass of wine I’d have when I got home.”
Recognising that pattern pushed her to look for healthier ways to unwind. Reading has become one way she tries to switch off from the frustration of the situation.
Living at home can also add strain when it comes to mental health. Rachel says she struggles with depression and anxiety, something that can be difficult to explain within a family dynamic.
“My family try their best,” she says, “but sometimes they think it just means I’m sad.”
One of the hardest parts is the assumption people have. “I think a lot of people assume we want to be in this cushy situation,” she says. “But I would rather be anywhere than my childhood bedroom.”
I still have to tell them where I’m going, when I’ll be back and message if I’m not coming home. For a woman in her 30s, it can sometimes feel like I’m 18 again
Emma Doran - I feel very childish still living at home
Emma Doran (26) from Clane, Co Kildare, has never lived away from the family home. While she would like to move out and experience living independently, the financial reality makes that difficult.
“I would like to move out, but I just can’t afford to.”
Living at home has shaped how she approaches relationships and meeting new people. While she recognises that the situation is increasingly common, it can still affect confidence.
She describes feeling quite dependent on her parents and the routine of home life. “I feel like I’m too comfortable sometimes.”
The house still feels very much like the home she grew up in, which can make independence feel slightly out of reach.
Even small moments such as relaxing in the evening can come with expectations.
“If I’m relaxing, sometimes my parents think I should be doing something like cleaning or helping around the house.”
What she misses most is simple independence.
“Peace and quiet and being able to do your own thing.”
Seeing friends move into their own homes or begin new stages of life can also bring complicated emotions.
“I feel very childish still living at home,” she says.
Like Rachel, Emma understands the economic reality behind the situation, but that does not stop it from affecting how she feels about her place in life.
“I feel like I’m very behind in life and too old to be living at home,” she says. “But I don’t really have a choice because I can’t afford to move out.”
For both women, living at home is not simply a housing arrangement. It shapes relationships, confidence and the small markers of independence many people associate with adulthood.
The housing crisis is often discussed in terms of prices and supply, but its impact is also felt in the private corners of people’s lives, in childhood bedrooms that were never meant to be permanent.
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