Five years on from downloading the popular social media app and I can’t even remember the days BTT (Before TikTok). I can’t believe there was a time when I didn’t know what a “mukbang” was (a food eating video of South Korean origin, made famous by the platform). I have also learned what my kids mean when they say things like “rizz”, “skibbity” and “sigma”.
Five years on from downloading the popular social media app and I can’t even remember the days BTT (Before TikTok).
I can’t believe there was a time when I didn’t know what a “mukbang” was (a food eating video of South Korean origin, made famous by the platform). I have also learned what my kids mean when they say things like “rizz”, “skibbity” and “sigma”.
My husband is there, too, but instead of food-eating videos and parenting tips, he’s fully on the “FarmTok” algorithm – videos about machinery and grazing systems.
It has brought a lot of knowledge to our lives. Some we are thankful for and some, well… you’re left wondering: “Did I really need to know that?” One thing stands out to me, and has once again been brought to my attention in recent weeks: the “tradwife” trend.
One of the most famous “tradwives” on TikTok recently moved herself and her family to Ireland to attend a cookery course at Ballymaloe Cookery School.
This woman’s account is called Ballerina Farm – this is because, before she became a so-called tradwife, she was a trained ballerina. She gave it all up for love and moved to a farm in the state of Utah in the USA. Now, she has millions of views on videos where she’s making cheese from scratch, or homemade marshmallows. She is probably the most popular of these online influencers who represent the “tradwife” trend. But what actually is a tradwife?
I’m not going to lie – it makes me roll my eyes a bit, and I think farmwives everywhere, no matter what age, location or generation we belong to, might look at this trend and think to ourselves: “Honestly?”
The actual definition of a tradwife is a woman who believes in and practises traditional gender roles within a marriage. This often means giving up a career and taking on the role of a traditional “homemaker”. They aren’t all associated with farms, but most enjoy making elaborate things from scratch (from roast dinners to homemade breakfast cereals) and tend to homeschool their kids. This is different from homesteading – tradwives are all about traditional, subservient marriage roles.
American tradwives tend to be quite religious – often practising Mormons or born-again Christians – and, whether they mean to or not, they tend to attract a politically right-wing following.
Women have fought long and hard for equal rights within society – we are still fighting. Let’s not get sidetracked
Despite being an ardent feminist, you could say my role in my marriage is pretty traditional. I do the cooking and most of the housekeeping. I have the children’s schedules in my head at all times and spend way too much time carting them around. I do everything I do because I love my family. I like cooking. I like living in a clean house. I want my kids to do all of the things.
I don’t do these things because I believe I should be doing them, though. And I’m raising daughters. I am very aware of what the role in my marriage might look like to them. They know they will never be pressured to get married or have kids of their own.
To me, the tradwife trend is dangerous. In addition to taking the women’s rights movement back 50 years, these women are also setting some ridiculous standards. Let’s not forget, it is a privilege to be able to afford to be a housewife and make Corn Flakes from scratch. These women might think they have made a conscious decision to live this way, but I too grew up in a very religious household. As a girl, you are raised to wait on the men in your life.
The decisions we make in our lives are often influenced by our lived experiences and are never really 100% independent. If you were raised to believe you need to have babies and a husband to have self-worth within society, that is going to influence your future decisions.
It doesn’t matter how much education you get in the meantime – I was socialised to behave this way and despite understanding my independence, I am still, in many ways, subservient to the men in my life. This ends with my daughters’ generation. Women have fought long and hard for equal rights within society – we are still fighting. Let’s not get sidetracked by a social media trend.
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