A craft of her own

The doorbell! Who would call to a house on Christmas Eve – and we all up in a heap with the preparations? For a start, the tree fell over. Or should I say trees. Denis thought it would be “a howl” to get two half trees that he’d found somewhere – I didn’t want to ask, but I was expecting the squad car – and sort of bind them together.

“They’re like you and me,” he said. “Bockety, but together – a great team.”

And then they fell over.

“That’s you and me drinking,” he said.

The house was full, which is nice if they kept still, but they don’t. Deirdre was wandering in talking about the camogie and the politics of it, and then young Adam and Ava were showing me the Minecraft on the iPad, and I in the middle of trying to do the plum pudding.

“Shur, what am I to do about the Minecraft? Never mind creating new worlds there – it’s all I can do to keep this house upright.”

And now there was someone at the door.

“Oh! Mrs Considine, aren’t you good to call?” says Denis at the door.

I had a feeling it would be Sally. I owed her a hearing after she listening to my ollogoning about Jennifer and That Boy.

Deirdre gives me a look. Adam – because he has some sort of diagnosis from the special needs wan, so he gets to say what he wants – shouts out: “Ah, no, Nana!” But I know how he feels.

Sally is good for a bit of news, though, so we might as well have her settle in. Anyway, the poor thing, it’s a lonely time of year. Francie Considine died around this time, although she was mournful enough already when he was alive.

She should have been free to enjoy herself then, but Francie Junior shows no signs of moving on. Only sitting around reading the same kind of websites that Trump reads, by all accounts.

Although he has a girlfriend now. Some girl with tattoos from The Town. She has green hair. But they all do now, young wans, over some film.

Sally settles in and then she spots Adam with the iPad: “That’s an awful big phone! Is that a phone you have?’

“Nooo, it’s an iPad.”

“An iPad! Lord God, when I think of what we used to get for Christmas. And Gary Grogan split up with the wife too.”

Sally is very good at sliding out gossip while the rest of her is thinking about something else. She’s a real multi-tasker.

“Goway! And they only three years married.”

“And I suppose it’s oul video games, is it?” she says to Adam.

“Minecraft. Look Sad Sally I’ll show you.”

Oh, God, Adam! He’s after calling her by the nickname we used to call her. I’m mortified – and Deirdre is nearly choking with the embarrassment.

But she mustn’t have heard, and he goes over to Sally. And the strangest thing happens. She’s fierce into it.

“You just punch those rocks. Just punch. Yeah, like that.”

“Did I do it right?”

“Yeah, and now you have coal. You pick up the coal and then you have to put it in your storage box.”

“Coal for the fire.”

“Yeah, but you need logs to make torches. To fight the zombies.”

“Zombies. And where do they come from?”

“I dunno. They just come out at night. That’s why you’ve to do everything during the day, ’cause you won’t be able to hardly see them and then they sneak up and you’ve to kill-um or they’ll suck all the life out of you.”

“I’ve one of those at home,” says Sally. A joke out of Sally!

“Quick – there’s the zombies! Use the hammer.”

“What hammer?”

“The one you got for your toolbox. Remember, you punched the crate?”

“Where’s the toolbox? Aaagh! He’s all over me. He was too quick for me with my arthritis.”

“They’ve killed you. But you can start again. Wait, I’ll get it started.”

“Will you be getting an iPad yourself now, Sally?” says Denis

“I don’t know. Bit of a racket. I see the bank have taken the shop off the Polish crowd.”

She has her own craft, does Sally.