I have a sister-in-law who has recently moved into a newly-built home on my husband’s land and she is driving me mad.

She is married to my husband’s youngest brother, who went off travelling as soon as he finished college and had no interest in the farm from day one. This was all fine. As farming is in my husband’s DNA, we inherited the farm and have been raising our young family here for the past decade.

But now this woman has arrived on the scene with all sorts of notions as to what should happen with the land.

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We had no problem with them building on the site as it was his right, but this woman, who knows nothing of dairy farming, is trying to get her hands on more land for her own ‘projects’. We’ve no idea what these are but we do know she rules the roost in her marriage and is likely to get her way if we don’t stand firm.

I don’t want to get any third party involved but I don’t want to see our hard work compromised by whatever daft ideas this woman wants to introduce, as she has yet to prove she knows the first thing about farming.

– Lorraine,

Co Meath

Dear reader,

It is often difficult to adjust when family members return home after living away for some time, and even more so when they bring a spouse with them who is in effect a stranger to the wider family group.

You say there was no issue with the couple building on the site they had been given on the farm, which suggests your husband and his brother get on well.

However, if your sister-in-law is only newly arrived on the farm it will take time to get to know her and to develop a relationship that will allow you all to live peacefully and happily, side by side.

If your brother-in-law had no interest in farming from the outset, it is odd that his wife is seeking land for such purposes, but this can only be teased out by sitting down and discussing the projects being proposed. At the end of the day, if the overall farm is in yours and your husband’s names, whatever this woman wants is irrelevant unless you agree to allow her to use your land.

A lease arrangement could be agreed in principle, to see if these projects have any benefit to the wider farm business

There is the possibility that what she has in mind may be of benefit to you all as more and more farms seek to diversify, so I would enter into any conversation with as open a mind as possible. This will require you setting aside any personal disagreements you have had in the past, which the tone of your letter suggests may be the case.

A lease arrangement could be agreed in principle, to see if these projects have any benefit to the wider farm business, but if your husband and you are not comfortable, there is no pressure on you to agree to anything.

Family dynamics can be complicated at the best of times, and none more so than where land is involved. But if this couple has built their home within your farm, it is in your best interests to iron out any difficulties at an early stage to allow everyone to live in peace and harmony.

Do you have a problem you would like to share? If so, write in confidence to: Dear Miriam, Agony Aunt, Irish Country Living, Irish Farmers Journal, Irish Farm Centre, Bluebell, Dublin 12, or email miriam@farmersjournal.ie