Question: I’m hoping you can offer me some advice as I’m finding the past few months very stressful. I feel I’m failing as a wife. I cannot bring myself to give my husband the support he is looking for with a very big life decision he is about to make.

The problem is I can’t help but worry that his love of farming is going to derail us financially as he is on the verge of walking away from a very good job in pharmaceuticals so that he can take over his father’s sheep farm.

We’ve been married 10 years, with two beautiful boys, and while I’ve always known of my husband’s love of the land, I thought when the time came, he would be happy to farm part-time, and bring someone in to manage the day-to-day business when his father stepped back.

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But now that there’s talk of a succession plan, he’s told me his day job bores him to tears and he wants to be on the farm full-time.

I gave up my job to care for the kids and I don’t want to go back until they’re older, as I am really enjoying being a stay-at-home mother. I want my husband to be happy, but I don’t want our financial security put at risk. However much he loves farming, it may not cover the mortgage payments if it is to become our only income.

How do I convince him to rethink his decision to walk away completely from a job which may not satisfy him but is providing for his young family?

– A worried wife, Co Sligo

Dear reader,

Your letter suggests this issue is a huge source of stress and worry for you. I think the only way through it is for you and your husband to sit down and calmly discuss the pros and cons of him leaving his off-farm job to become a full-time farmer.

It is good that your father-in-law is ready to discuss succession with his son, more often families are left with these situations being thrust on them when a farmer passes away, so the fact the family are open to discussing the matter is a good thing.

However, you need to be honest with your husband about your fears for your financial security as a family. Perhaps, there is an option for him to take a career break from his job, to see if the reality of full-time farming is as good as he believes it to be.

Compromise is a vital ingredient in any relationship and more so yours, given your husband feels so strongly about walking away from a career he has built up over many years

This would also allow you to learn how to adjust your household expenditure to meet with a lower income, in the short-term at least, to determine if it is viable.

Your letter doesn’t state what you worked as before you had children, but it may be possible for you to return on a part-time basis, during school time hours, to top up the family finances.

Compromise is a vital ingredient in any relationship and more so yours, given your husband feels so strongly about walking away from a career he has built up over many years.

If you rule the move out completely, he may end up resenting you, whereas if you present a range of potential solutions to the concerns you already have, it will show you are trying to support him while also safeguarding your family’s financial future.

I wish you and your family all the best going forward.

Do you have a problem you would like to share? If so, write in confidence to: Dear Miriam, Agony Aunt, Irish Country Living, Irish Farmers Journal, Irish Farm Centre, Bluebell, Dublin 12, or email miriam@farmersjournal.ie