Dear Miriam,

One of my best friends is a secondary school teacher. We didn’t see each other during the lockdown, but once restrictions lifted, met up over the summer while staying within the guidelines.

As I write, the schools are due to go back.

Assuming things go ahead as planned, this means that my friend will be exposed to a lot more people; and really, I’m talking about teenagers. I don’t want to paint all young people with the same brush; but I also know that when I see young people in our town, often there is very little social distancing going on.

But when you are young, you think you’re invincible.

So this is the thing Miriam. I’m not sure if I feel comfortable continuing to meet with my friend when she goes back to school.

While I’m sure she will take the utmost care in everything she does, I feel that she will have a lot more chance of being exposed to the virus in this setting, and therefore be more at risk of passing it on.

It’s not that I consider myself particularly vulnerable, but my mother previously had cancer and I am still doing her shopping for her, and calling to the house. I would never forgive myself if I passed the virus on to her, just because I wanted to meet for coffee with a friend.

That said, I don’t want to hurt my friend’s feelings. I’m sure she must be worried about going back to school and the last thing she needs is to be treated like some sort of outcast! I really feel like I am in a bind.

Worried Friend, Leinster

Dear Worried Friend,

Thanks for your email. I understand that this is a tricky situation for you, and I am also thinking of your friend at what must feel like an uncertain time for her too.

Though to be fair to the teenagers, they have not been the ones in the headlines recently for breeching COVID guidelines, but I appreciate your concerns.

I think that over the summer, we all got a taste of what “normal” life used to be like and were able to responsibly meet with friends and family again.

But as you know, we have all been asked in recent weeks to start limiting our contacts and that if we do meet, to be very conscious of social distancing, hand washing, numbers that we have over to the house or garden etc.

I think that over the summer, we all got a taste of what 'normal life used to be like and were able to responsibly meet with friends and family again

Obviously, given your role in helping to care for your mother, these are all things that you are extra conscientious about, and this might mean making difficult decisions in the coming weeks. But only you can make the call about what feels right for you; and in this case, I would probably go with your gut.

I don’t think you have to make the issue about your friend’s job, however. You could just explain that with the rising numbers of cases recently, you are limiting your contacts for the next few weeks until you see how things pan out. You don’t even have to mention the school.

To be honest, I think a lot of people might be staying home a bit more in the coming weeks, so it’s not as if you will be alone in that sense. In the meantime, you can still keep in touch with your friend with calls, texts, video calls etc and offer support to her as she faces the challenge of returning to the classroom.

Hopefully, in a few weeks, you will see how things pan out and if your fears have not come to pass, you might feel comfortable meeting your friend outdoors for a walk or takeaway coffee, depending on the guidelines at that time. Maybe talk to your GP if you feel you need some extra guidance on this.

I hope this is helpful and that you, your friend and your mother stay safe and well throughout the coming season.

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