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Dear Miriam,
I am a 22-year-old third level student, and the course I have taken was really my parents’ choice, not mine. To be honest, college is a nightmare as I am focusing on subjects that are of no interest to me. I study hard as I don’t want to let my parents down.
They are hard-working people and only want the best for my siblings and me. I am more than halfway through the course and because I receive excellent grades, they think all is well in my world. Only it’s not. I feel like chucking it all in and simply running away.
I am studying accountancy but my first choice, had I gone for it, is archaeology. It has started to get me down and I am becoming disillusioned with life. I am not suicidal, but it’s like there is a dark cloud starting to sit over me and I feel flat. Any advice you can offer me is very much appreciated.
Thank you. Unhappy Student
Dear Unhappy Student,
Thank you for your letter and know that you have taken the first step forward in writing to me. The next step is to look at this objectively, see the bigger picture. You need to come clean to your parents and explain to them that you are not happy, and that you no longer want to pursue this course. They will be disappointed initially and may need a little time to adjust to this situation.
What is important to remember here is that nobody can live your life for you, no matter how much they love you. You do not need their permission to change courses. Ask yourself, how much will all of this matter in 10 years’ time were you to change courses and concentrate on archaeology?
There is a very valuable lesson here. What is more important, living an authentic life or being a people pleaser? Your parents will adjust.
Chucking it all in and running away is not the solution. You will carry the problem with you, no matter where you go.
Usually in these situations, people find it easier to talk to one parent first. They may then decide to explain it to their partner. At that point, all three of you could talk it out, if that works for your family dynamic.
A parent’s love is meant to be unconditional. I would like to think that their love for you is not based on your willingness to comply with their ideas for your personal life. In fact, their response might surprise you
A parent’s love is meant to be unconditional. I would like to think that their love for you is not based on your willingness to comply with their ideas for your personal life. In fact, their response might surprise you.
It may help you to speak to someone in the college career guidance department. Your college may also have a counselling service that you can avail of. Meanwhile, if they decide to decline financial support, check out what grants may be available to you as a mature student.
Finally, I suggest you take a minute and imagine it is your 80th birthday and you are about to blow out the candles on your cake. There is a video showing on a big screen, looking back over your life. How would you like it to be? Do you want to see yourself working as an accountant and hating every minute of it, living a life of misery and resentment? Or do you want to see yourself living a life of satisfaction having pursued your career in archaeology?
The choice is yours. I wish you the very best of luck.
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